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Fuck. Only about a month ago, I was telling myself that Ryan and I weren’t on a date, practically forcing the thought onto my brain like a burning and permanent brand. I didn’t think this moment was in the cards for us…
I pulled away, going to look at a crowded bookcase.
Fuck. This—it scared me. How warm and at home I was beginning to feel. It was almost too perfect. And I knew how easily a home could be lost in the blink of a tear-filled eye. Something you’d never imagine happening so that when it did, the shock would almost be enough to stop your heart cold.
I didn’t want to feel that again… ever again.
“Check this out,” Ryan said. He opened a door, and in came the fresh mountain breeze. He stepped out, and I followed, walking onto the deck that held a fancy round table and a grill. It wrapped around the cabin, leading to a hot tub that sat on a raised platform. There wasn’t a soul in sight, only a sea of vibrant nature. The chorus of cardinals and sparrows and woodpeckers and cicadas all blended together to create the perfect soundtrack.
Fuck. I looked back into Ryan’s blue eyes and felt myself falling deeper, head-first. “You didn’t have to do all this,” I said.
“I figured you needed an escape.”
“This is more than an escape. It feels like I won Miss Continental or something.”
Ryan cocked his head, and I was reminded how far removed he’d been from the drag world. “It’s a huge drag pageant,” I explained, leaning on the banister and letting the fresh air fill my lungs. “The best of the best compete, and obvs the best gets crowned. That’s what this feels like. Getting a crown and a scepter, winning the grand prize.”
“You deserve every grand prize that comes your way, Elijah. From Miss Continental to Miss Universe.”
I arched a suspicious brow at that, matching the curve in my smile. Damn, did Ryan have a way with words.
“Have you thought about performing again?” he asked, his gaze on me instead of the stunning view.
I nodded. “It’s come up. Drag is definitely something I can’t escape, even if I thought I could. The rush I feel when I put on heels, the escapism of it, the momentary thrill of being a full fucking rock star for a cheering crowd—I can’t let any of that go.”
“Good. You shouldn’t.” Ryan’s head tipped to the side, eyes glinting. I wanted to kiss him, not just on his lips but all over. The way the sun washed over him, softening his features and giving him a golden glow, it was hypnotizing. “I’m telling you, I’ve never been more entertained than when you took the stage. Blue Divine is something else.”
“Thanks, Ry, for everything. I really think I would have quit that night and never looked back, even if deep down I wanted to. I don’t think I would have, I just don’t. You give me hope—” When I realized how sappy that sounded, I course corrected (even if it was the solid truth) “—hope that my stalker gets caught.”
He shook his head. Inside, I could see the private chef already plating some of the food from a window looking into the stylish kitchen. “I’m just doing my job,” he said. “Keeping Blue Creek safe from crazy drag queen–obsessed stalkers.”
I turned, arms crossing against my chest. “And that crazy drag-obsessed stalker isn’t Walter, right?”
His smile flipped, lips tight. “I don’t believe so, no. He had a solid alibi for the night at your house, and he doesn’t look like someone who’d be working in a team. Stalkers rarely ever do. I think he really just liked watching you perform.”
I let that sink in for a moment. A weird mixture of emotions roiled around in my gut: disappointment, sadness, guilt, fear. Everything but relief.
“Shit. You’re saying that I threw my biggest fan under the bus?” I shook my head, a slice of shame hitting me in the chest. “Ugh, Jesus, gross. I feel like I need to apologize to him now.”
“Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. He’s got an alibi and sounded genuine, but he’s not completely off the list either. Just moved to the very bottom.”
“So who’s at the top now?”
Ryan sucked on his bottom lip. “I, well, don’t have anyone solid in that top spot yet. But I’m working on it, and I should be hearing back from Anya soon about the lipstick purchase. It’s going to be all right, I promise, Elijah. I’m getting this sick fuck locked up. I’m going to be looking closer at the drag king that took over your spot—I’ve noticed a few odd coincidences with her social media posts and your situation.”
“Kimmy? Reggis Fillme? Really? I mean, she is kinda intense, but I thought that was just regular drag banter. The kind of shit you’d see in Showgirls… then again…”
