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Raine shuddered and disengaged herself from Marnie. She took a few steps, wavering slightly because she felt so weak. So damn tired. “I need to know what his last words were…that he wasn’t scared or sorry.”
“Don’t do this to yourself, Raine.”
Raine faced her mother-in-law, totally spent. She crossed back to the island and slid into the nearest chair. She took a sip of her tea and said the one thing that had haunted her for the last year and a half. “I want to know if he left for Afghanistan knowing he wouldn’t be coming back, because I’m not even sure he wanted to.”
She saw that Marnie was shocked by her words, and for one second she wished that she could snatch them back. But the moment passed, and for the first time in forever, it seemed, a bit of the weight that had hung on her shoulders seemed to dissipate.
Marnie stood in the middle of the kitchen for the longest time, looking so small and lost that Raine had to look away. She felt like an absolute ass. Why had she opened her mouth? Where had all those words come from? What the hell had happened to not hurting the one woman on the planet who had only ever shown her love and kindness?
Gibson rubbed his furry body against her legs. She bent down, scooped the dog into her arms, and held him close. His puppy smell was familiar and safe. She inhaled his chubby goodness, drank in his warmth, closed her eyes, and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
There was a long pause, and for one scary moment Raine was afraid she’d done too much damage and that Marnie would just up and leave. If that happened…
“Don’t ever be sorry for saying how you feel. You can’t keep all this darkness inside you, Raine. It’s too much for anyone to bear.”
Relief flooded Raine, and she gripped Gibson so tight that he whimpered in protest and squiggled madly until she let him go. She swallowed and gathered one more shot of courage. “Jake’s not okay. You know that, right?”
Marnie was silent for a few moments, her eyes filling with tears as she struggled to speak. She nodded. “I know my son is hurting,” Marnie acknowledged wearily. She ran her hands over her face and closed her eyes. “I know that he doesn’t sleep at night, and when he does, I can only imagine the horrors that haunt him. I know that he felt the need to stay away from us for far too long, and now that he’s back…” She exhaled harshly. “Now that he’s back, I can’t lose him.” A slow, sad smile crept over her features. “But my boy is strong and he’s making an effort. I know he doesn’t want to live in darkness any longer, and you could learn from that.”
Ouch. However much it hurt to hear those words, Raine knew they were true.
She grabbed a box of puppy treats from the cupboard and tossed a few to Gibson. She tried to keep her voice casual but wasn’t altogether successful. “You really think this woman…Lily St. Clare…is what Jake needs?”
Marnie shrugged. “I don’t know if she’s what he needs, but I do know that he’s home after all this time, that sometimes he smiles and I’ve seen glimpses of the old Jake. For whatever it’s worth, I’m fairly certain she has something to do with it.”
Raine’s mouth thinned. Marnie couldn’t be more wrong. Jake Edwards wasn’t a big-city-trust-fund-baby kind of man. He was…hell, she didn’t know what he was anymore, but she knew with every fiber of her being that Jake Edwards and Lily St. Clare didn’t belong together.
“I know you’d like me to encourage Jake in regard to this woman, but can we agree to disagree?”
“Why don’t you like her?”
“It’s not that I don’t like her, I don’t know her. I just…” Her voice trailed off, because she really didn’t know how to answer the question. She shrugged. It was more a feeling that she couldn’t put into words.
Marnie’s face softened. “Okay. I think you’re wrong. But okay.”
The lump returned big-time, settling into the back of her throat once more. She would have given anything to wipe away the pain she saw reflected in Marnie’s eyes.
“I’m so sorry I dumped all that onto you. I don’t know what came over me.”
Her mother-in-law crossed the room in three strides and hugged her tightly. They clung to each other for several long moments. “I miss him so much,” Raine whispered.
“We all miss him, sweetie.”
Raine squeezed her eyes shut as a wave of guilt washed over her. It wasn’t Jesse she was speaking of.
Marnie gave her one more hug and stepped back, her features relaxed into a slow grin that warmed Raine’s heart. “I’ve got some good news.”
“You do?” Raine gathered up the cups and rinsed them under the water in the sink.
Marnie nodded, reached for Gibson, and scratched the puppy under his chin, grinning as the dog rolled over onto his back and offered up his soft belly.
“Jake’s bought the old Wyndham Place.”
“What?” Raine was shocked. “But it’s in ruins.”
Marnie nodded. “Yes, it is.”
Raine set the cups on the drying rack and leaned her hip against the counter, biting her lip thoughtfully as she gazed out the window into the darkness. The Wyndham mansion had been built by one of the founding families of Crystal Lake back in the early 1800s, during the lumber boom.
