AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He glanced down at the floor, shoulders hunched forward. Pain radiated off him in waves, and the bruise along his cheekbone took on a purplish hue as the sun hit him. A bruise put there by his father. God, no wonder he was so screwed up, but it didn’t stop her from hoping that she would be enough. That the “thing” they had together would be enough to heal his pain.
“I get that you didn’t want this,” she began.
His head snapped up.
“You don’t get anything, Lily. I’m not cut out for this. I don’t want to be responsible for another human being. It would never work out. I’d only end up hurting you…hurting the kid.” Anguish tinged his face. “I’m no good. I’m no different than Ben or his father before him. I’m selfish and arrogant. I drink too much, and my temper is off the charts. I don’t deal with shit real well, and I can’t…”
“You can’t what?” Angry now, she took a step forward.
“I just can’t do this. You. A baby. It’s not going to happen. Jesus Christ, Lily, it was never going to happen.”
In some secret corner of her soul, she had thought that maybe when he found out, things would be different. She’d thought that he would be different.
She hugged her stomach and stared at the man she loved. A man who had managed to tear down the walls she’d built up around her heart and yet he wouldn’t let her do the same to him. It was tragic, really. And it was her life.
“We’re all born innocent, Mac. I truly believe that. We come into this world with no direction and only the guidance of those around us. Some people get lucky and some, like us, well, we’re pretty much screwed. We can’t pick our parents. We can’t pick our family or where we grow up. We just get what we get. We become a product of our environment.” She paused and exhaled.
“I know your father is a bastard and I know that your mother broke your heart. I know their relationship molded you into the man that you are, but, Mac, you’re hiding behind all that crap. I know because I was there. I hid behind a reputation I didn’t deserve and a sister who used me. I hid behind a father who didn’t deserve my love and a mother who didn’t want it. But I got past it. My brother and Jake helped me get past it.”
And so did you.
How could she make him see?
“I was broken inside and I never thought I’d be whole again. The difference between us is that you don’t want to be fixed. You’d rather go through life only half-alive. I guess I was hoping that I might be reason enough for you to change but…” She glanced down at her flat stomach. “I can’t hide behind my masks anymore. I won’t do it. I can’t afford to be that selfish anymore. I’m going to give this baby everything that I never had. He’s never going to want for anything.” She couldn’t help the tears that slid down her face—there were too many of them.
Angrily, Lily wiped them away. “And I hope he’ll never know that he wasn’t enough for his father. I’ll do everything in my power to keep that from him.”
“Boston.” She didn’t care that his voice was full of anguish or that the pain in his eyes was as great as hers. Right now, she couldn’t get past her own.
“Don’t call me that ever again.” Lily glanced back out at Gibson. “Can you leave please? I’ll have my lawyer send the papers to your New York address.”
A cool breeze swept in, rolling across the lawn. It lifted up her hair, and for a second she was blinded, but by the time she yanked the long blond strands from her face, Mac was down the steps, his long legs eating up the distance to his Mercedes.
She didn’t wait for him to leave.
She ran into the house and barely made it to the bathroom before she lost everything inside her stomach.
Chapter 28
It was close to midnight before Jake found him. Mackenzie had been sitting out on the Edwardses’ dock, staring into a clear night sky for hours. He never went back to the cottage he’d rented—he was too ashamed to face his nephew. Too ashamed of the violence Liam had witnessed.
Dammit, he should be stronger—or at least strong enough.
So here he was. Right back where he started. The place he always went to when things went south. He’d brought a bottle of Jack along, but he hadn’t touched it.
That was something at least. That was heading in the right direction.
Mackenzie watched Jake drag a chair over to him and the two men settled into a silence that was a long time in the making. It was the kind of silence that had seen things—dark things—and it was the kind of silence that he needed right now.
Overhead the night sky was lit up with a million diamonds, and as Mac leaned back and stared out at the vastness, he saw a shooting star. He followed its trajectory until it burned out, and then there was nothing.
Watching it left him feeling empty, but he supposed he was already empty to begin with.
“Lily’s pregnant,” he said, voice scratchy.
Jake didn’t say anything for the longest time, and when Mac finally looked his way, he found his friend’s eyes on him. They were dark and intense but instead of anger or condemnation, they were filled with compassion.
“I know,” Jake replied. He dug into the cooler he’d brought and offered Mac a cold beer.
