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I wanted to say it was because I was more attracted to men, not boys, but I refrained.

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” Astrid went on. “I dig your vibe. I wish I could be more myself, the way you are.”

I smiled then. A compliment from the nonchalant Astrid. “Thanks, I guess.”

Astrid’s phone buzzed on the bed and she groaned, picking it up. “Yeah?” she answered, the phone pressed to her ear. “Dude, I’m literally in my bed stuffing my face with chocolate.” Astrid looked at me and rolled her eyes. “Okay. Fine, fine. I’ll come over.” She hung up the phone then swung her legs around to the edge of the bed with an obnoxious groan.

I supposed that was the end of our conversation. I sat with my back against the wall and opened the lid of my laptop, clicking the document for my essay.

Astrid cleared her throat. “You know, if you ever want to hang out…”

“Nah, that’s okay.” I waved a hand. I knew she was only offering to be nice. “But you should know that if you don’t feel like being somewhere, you don’t have to go. Whoever that was that called, they’ll get over it, I’m sure.”

Astrid smiled, and it was rare to see her smile. She tucked her black hair behind her ears and said, “You know what? You are so right. Screw that! I’m not going over there. Hey—what do you say we go to that restaurant that serves the chocolate mousse cake? I’ve been dying for a slice, but I’ve been too lazy to go. If I had someone to walk with, it wouldn’t be so bad.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I have to write my essay and—”

“No—it’ll totally be my treat. Seriously, I just want someone normal to hang out with. I’m tired of faking laughs and getting drunk for no reason.”

I considered it, then checked my phone, which was still void of a text from Cole. I looked back up at Astrid who had her hands clasped together, pleading. I didn’t have anything to lose by going, and if I stayed in this dorm, waiting for a measly text, I would drive myself crazy.

“Okay, sure,” I said. “I’ll go with you.”

12

Zara

“Ermagahd.” Astrid’s mouth was full of chocolate mousse cake, her fork clutched in hand and her eyes nearly rolling to the back of her head as she chewed. “This cake is so fucking good. You have to try some.”

She picked up a fork and handed it to me. I accepted the fork and sliced through an untouched edge of the cake. I brought it to my mouth and chewed.

“Wow. You’re right,” I said, mouth half full. “This cake is incredible.”

“Right!?” Astrid dug in again. “So, like, I know you’re my dorm-mate and all, but tell me more about you. I feel like you’re such a mystery.”

I shifted in the booth and laughed nervously. “What do you want to know?”

“Okay, so what’s your favorite color?”

“Any shade of purple.”

“Okay. Where are you from?”

“Tennessee,” I answered.

“Oh, cool. Like Justin Timberlake,” she said, and it was so funny how she made such simple facts about other people sound like normal chitchat.

I laughed. “Sure.”

“Are you dating anyone?”

I hesitated, slicing my fork into the cake to avoid looking at her. “No.”

“Oh my God, you’re so lying.”

My eyes shot up to hers. “I’m not. Seriously. I’m single.”

“But you’re into someone, aren’t you?”

I took another bite of cake.

“That’s okay,” Astrid said. I glanced up, and she was smirking. “You don’t have to tell me. But one day, I’ll figure it out. I bet it’s a guy on campus.”

She wasn’t wrong about that.

“So why did you and your ex break up?” I asked, steering the subject.

“He wanted anal,” Astrid said, and I almost choked on the chocolate.

“What?” I guffawed.

“I told him no, he got pissed and called me lame for not wanting to do that with him, then called me a slut because I did anal with Josh but not him. But seriously, like Josh was way better in bed. He deserved anal. Shawn sucks and he knows it. No one wants sucky dick shoved up their ass.”

“Oh my gosh, Astrid.” I fought a laugh and felt heat rise to my cheeks.

“What?” She shrugged, sipping her water. “Oh, wait. Don’t tell me you’re modest. No—wait. Are you an anal virgin?”

I worked hard to swallow, trying to find the right words.

“Oh my goodness, Zara!” Astrid’s eyes stretched and she leaned in to whisper, “You’re a virgin-virgin, aren’t you? A full-blown virgin.” She made it sound like a mystical creature. Jesus.

“Shh,” I hissed, looking around the restaurant. It was sparse, minus a man in the corner across the diner eating soup.

“You are! Aww!” she cooed, leaning back again. “How nice it must be to get to experience sex for the first time…not. Seriously, the first time always sucks…well, unless you’re doing it with a guy who knows exactly what he’s doing. I remember the guy who took mine kept missing the hole.” She shuddered. “So embarrassing for him.”

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