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I let out a yelp. “Arrrghh!” How could she move so silently? She’s like a deadly grandma fog moving in with the stealth of a trained assassin.
“What he’s trying to say is that you made quite an impression.” Grandma’s eyes run over Leandra, at least the bits she can see from behind the counter. “I can see why. You’re quite a beauty. You have all of your grandmother’s wit and fire in you. That my dear, makes for a mighty attractive package. I think you’ll do just fine to give me a whole house full of great grandchildren.”
“Forget the great grandchildren!” I very nearly throw up my hands in frustration. At least I don’t have to hide the tent in my pants anymore. There’s no way that any erection could withstand this. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I sent the flowers because I was hoping that you’d let me take you out, but now I’ve probably butchered that chance and I’ve murdered this apology and you probably think I’m like all the other douchebags who just want one thing, or that I’m someone who doesn’t know how to treat a woman, or that I’m some kind of game player, and I’m not. The truth is, I’m just a guy who loves houseplants. Yes. I said it. I’m a plant nerd, a proud plant dad, and an even prouder owner of a few greenhouses who supply cacti and succulents to stores all over the place. I go to plant conferences and there isn’t anything more exciting than making new life. I mean plants. Good god. Plant life. I’ve had my fair share of shitty relationships and I never thought that things could actually work out and I sure as heck wasn’t looking for this, but then I met you, and I know we said it was a one-time deal, and now I realize that I’ve made a massive fool of myself. Thank you for the toilet. My grandma really does love it. Thank you for not sending me a flaming bag of poo. The dead flowers were quite benign, even if they were sad since I prefer my plants alive. Thank you for standing here and listening to all of this. Sorry for scaring away your customers. We’re going now. I’m glad my grandma got to meet you. I’m glad I found out who you were so I could give your earring back. Have a good day. Goodbye.”
I want to trundle my grandmother up into my arms, but instead I loop an arm around her waist and usher her towards the door. She swats at me, protesting about the necklace she wants to buy. We are nearly at the door, and I’ve been lucky because so far nothing has come sailing at my head- no staplers or tape dispensers, or heaven help me that letter opener.
“Wait.”
The command, heady and a little breathless, comes at me from all angles, like a rushing current sucking at me from below. I whirl, Grandma smirks at me and marches off to pick out that necklace, and I do. I wait. I turn my gaze back towards that set of cerulean blues. Leandra’s lips are slightly parted. Her hands are gripping the counter. Hard. She has a look on her face, one that either comes from being gassy or being uncertain. I’m going to go with uncertain here.
“I- uh- well, if you wanted to- I suppose- I suppose that maybe, if you wanted to show me your greenhouses or your cacti or whatever, maybe I’d want to see them.” Pearly teeth sink into her scarlet lower lip.
My dick punches back to life as I watch her, as I imagine taking her lips in mine, tasting her, thrusting my tongue into her mouth and stroking hers again while I steal her whimpers of pleasure. I imagine her dragging her hands over me again, branding my skin with her fiery touch. I nearly grunt like a caveman right there.
“I’d like to show you my cacti,” I say, like an idiot. And that’s not a code for anything else.
I know it comes out badly, thanks to my brain having lost much of its blood flow, compliments of the massive erection I’m sporting, because Grandma snorts. Leandra flushes. I go red with mortification again. Wesley is right. I’m a first-class dumb ass.
“I guess that it’s a date then,” Leandra whispers between slightly parted lips.
I can feel it, the physical chemistry presenting itself as tension in the air between us. My body responds, thrumming with need. My pulse skyrockets and my heart starts beating hard.
Grandma giggles to herself. Yes. Giggles. Oh wait, that’s not to herself. We both heard it and she’s looking back and forth between us. She takes the necklace she’s picked out up to the counter to pay. Leandra rings her through and I swear that I can see her hands tremble. Knowing that she’s off-kilter too makes me feel better. It makes my dick even happier, and holy shit, I have to remember that I’m here with my grandmother, and even if I wasn’t, that public erections are not okay. I’m back to thrusting my hands into my pockets, which everyone knows is basically a sign for trying to hide one’s penis problem.
