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“I’m not doing this for some kind of validation,” she pants.
This? The kiss? The one night stand she proposed? Being here at the charity ball?
“No, of course not.” I figure that’s the safest response, but even that seems to annoy her. She casts those burning eyes on me and her lips thin out like before.
“It’s not like I make it a habit. You’re not the only one who hasn’t tried it.” Her voice is just a tad bit shaky, betraying her nervousness, which I find absolutely adorable.
“I wasn’t thinking that you did. But since now I know, we can fumble through it together.”
Her blazing eyes throw off even more heat, scorching me where I stand. “Everyone who knows me says that I’m driven. When I set my mind to something, I make it happen. I don’t know why, but I seem to have set my mind on this. Not this. That sounds wrong. I’m saying this all wrong.” She sighs hard, some of her despair and more of her nerves showing. “For some reason, I saw you and I just- I just have this gut feeling. It’s like all those things that I’m driven to achieve, except you’re not an achievement or a thing or a goal. You’re a person, so I guess whatever I feel, it’s set on you.”
“I see. I think you’re saying that you usually get what you want, through hard work and dedication, but right now I’m what you want, and the usual terms don’t apply, but you can’t walk away?”
“Uhhh- I don’t know. That sounds even worse. I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”
“Well, if you’re trying to say that you want me, that sounds perfectly logical.”
“Logical? Something like this isn’t logical,” she scoffs. “And by the way, very humble of you, I might add.”
“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be vain.”
“Something like this shouldn’t be logical? Or should it? That’s the problem. I don’t know. This is going to be a giant mess.”
“Is it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t like not knowing.”
“I think, if you’re looking for some reason or some justification, it doesn’t really need to be there past the fact that we’re both consenting adults with a healthy- uh desires.”
She gasps, casts a nervous glance at the people milling about behind us near the hotel’s front entrance, and lowers her voice. “You were going to say libido, weren’t you? My god, I can’t believe this is real.”
“I wasn’t.” Okay, so I was. “Well, if it helps, I can’t really believe it’s real either.”
Her eyes whip back to me, nearly incinerating me this time with their heat. “Yeah right. You’re obviously a good-looking guy and good looking guys are never nice. They think the world should fall at their feet because history and experience tells them that their beauty is worth praising. There’s no way that you don’t have your choice of whoever you want, whenever you want. You’re probably well versed in breaking hearts.”
“Oh? It might surprise you to learn that even handsome men have had their fair share of heartbreak, and that not everyone is a jerk.”
“Go ahead. Surprise me then.” Her hands fist at her hips and she glares me down.
“Well, I was raised by my grandma, and she taught me how to be classy. She would box my ears if she found out that I treated anyone badly- whether it’s someone I was dating, someone who works for me, a friend, anyone.”
“Ugh,” she snorts, but the fire in her gaze has diminished just a little. “You think you’re so smooth and charming.”
“Smooth as blue raspberry soft serve, which is obviously the best soft serve.”
“Dream on. Everyone knows it’s caramel swirl.”
I grin and that pulls a reluctant smile from her. I wish I could make her laugh, right here, standing at the curb as traffic rushes past us on the busy downtown street. I bet that when she laughs, she laughs deep. I bet when she feels, it’s just as deep, and people have obviously abused that and hurt her, and I feel sorry for it. I get why she’d want to do an adult thing, not without feelings and emption, but without the burden of commitment and pain waiting to trap her.
I’ve had similar experiences in the past, despite what she might think.
“If I told you that I thought you were beautiful, enchanting, and utterly intoxicating, and I think that there’s a level of goodness in you that most people can’t hope to hold a candle to, would that be wrong?”
She nods, but then she shakes her head. Her eyes scan the street for a cab like she needs it like a lifeline. “Yes. No. I don’t know.”
“I feel rubbed raw, standing right here, right now. I don’t understand it. It feels- ancient, that feeling. I felt it the second I saw you, and despite what you might think, I’ve done my best not to Neanderthal my way through life. I really do believe in bone deep class that’s never just for show.”
