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He takes my hand.
“Sutton,” he says. “Have you maybe considered becoming a 501(c)3? Rescue operations never make a profit.”
“I’m not a rescue,” I say.
“Are you sure about that? You just told me you take in stray goats who need a home. That would be enough to be considered a legal non-profit.”
I bite my lip. I’ve never thought of the farm that way. I always thought of it more as flailing my way through life, doing what I can to survive.
“I’m just saying,” he says. “It’s worth thinking about.”
There’s the rub. The problem. Because if Jake Sheppard is telling me to think about making Reindeer Falls Goat Farm a non-profit, does that mean he wants me to stay here? Or is he saying I can go somewhere else and be a non-profit there?
Behind us, my timer dings, telling me it’s time to cut the soap.
“We’ve still got a soap to finish,” I tell him, effectively sidestepping any more talk about the farm and the future.
I show Jake how to cut up the soaps, making an extra-cute wrapping for the bar for his mom. But all of the excitement from earlier has deflated out of me. Because now I’m more confused than ever about Jake Sheppard, and the week he gave me to move out is ticking closer and closer to its conclusion.
Is he just enjoying all the Christmas vacation sex? Or does he actually care?
It’s going to take a Christmas miracle for me to figure it out.
Chapter Nine
The next day, I’ve got a book club meeting at Ginger’s Bake Shop. I get there early because I need a little time to myself away from the farm and Jake and just… everything. I need to be surrounded in the warm cocoon of pastries and hot chocolate, and possibly pick up some more emotional support cookies.
Unfortunately, it looks like Ginger’s been cleaned out of cookies. Or, at least, her best cookies. She still has butterscotch left, and gingerbread, and rum and raisin, but they’re not my favorite, and it all feels like a bad omen.
Still, I grab a hot chocolate to warm me up and even give in and buy a butterscotch cookie. After all, a subpar Ginger Winters cookie is still delicious. I also hand-deliver a soap order to one of the girls working the counter. The display that Ginger keeps of my soaps is down to the dregs. I dig in my bag for some more soaps that I brought and give them to the barista to restock.
“Oh, my God, yes,” she says. “Thank you. I was nearly out of Snow in Love and it’s just not the holidays if you’re not bathing with peppermint soap, know what I mean?”
It should make me happy, but instead, I just feel sad. What does it matter if my soaps are perfect and popular if I won’t have a place to make them?
I need to stop letting these negative thoughts get to me. Maybe I can buy a new crystal to ward off the negativity. Or maybe if I’m really lucky, there’s a crystal that turns a grumpy, golf course-wanting lawyer into a happy goat farmer. I mean, he’s halfway there already with the flannel, right?
Just thinking those thoughts makes me annoyed, though. Why am I not more mad at Jake? Why am I sitting here thinking that, even if I have to leave, it won’t be the worst part? That the worst part will be that I won’t see Jake anymore?
God, I’m gross.
When Lexi shows up I fill her in on the gossip Jake told me about seeing Maggie at Ryan’s. And when Maggie breezes in a few minutes later, she’s on cloud nine.
“Y’all, he’s like a real-life Hallmark movie,” she gushes as she plops down in front of us. “We are so in love!”
I glance at Lexi. We both know that it certainly isn’t love that’s keeping Ryan Sheppard involved. Not when he’s about to dump Maggie’s ass and head straight back to Chicago.
“What?” Maggie asks. “Did something happen to Linus or something?”
I play with the ends of my braided hair, buying time. “No, nothing happened to Linus.”
“Then why do you two look like I just told you that Santa fell out of his sleigh while he was over the Atlantic?”
Lexi laughs. “Leave it to you to make the most bizarre Christmas metaphor.”
“I’m serious,” Maggie says. “What’s up? I just told you both that I’m madly in love, and you look like you swallowed crappy eggnog.”
“All eggnog is crappy,” Lexi objects. “You dairy fiends.” She even fakes a gag to make her point.
I appreciate that Lexi’s trying to distract us all with a joke. But I feel sorta sick. Because it’s not just Maggie who’s being led on. I mean, Ryan’s got her thinking she’s in love. Who’s to say Jake isn’t tricking me into thinking we could have something more than orgasms?
