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I see him, now and again, in Reindeer Falls, actually—he’s got a grandmother here—but usually, he’s on the road, chasing whatever his latest whim is.
And I’ll admit it. We’ve hooked up again a time or three. For me, Hudson’s the guy I haven’t been able to quit. There’s something about him that makes me want to prove that I am wild enough, bold enough, brave enough.
Except that I am all of those things. According to Jake.
“Hey, Hudson,” I say, waving at him. “Good to see you. I forgot your grandmother carols.”
“Couldn’t leave Granny alone,” he says, side-hugging one of the older women as she beams. Then he leaves her to sidle up to me, smirking in Jake’s direction as Jake wrestles Farmer John down from the truck. “Where’d you find that guy? He looks a little corporate for you, Sut. Is he doing your taxes or something?”
“He actually grew up here,” I reply, my voice cool.
“Sure.” Hudson nods, like he’s in on some secret. “Left thinking he was too worldly for this place but ended up right back here, didn’t he?”
He laughs.
I don’t.
“Pretty sure you left too, Hudson,” I remind him.
“To explore the world,” Hudson scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Not to get a job as an accountant in a strip mall.”
“He’s a lawyer,” I feel the need to remind him, because fuck this guy.
At that moment, Jake walks over, immediately giving Hudson the once-over. With them standing next to each other, it’s clear to see that Jake’s more clean-cut than Hudson, even after almost a week of not shaving and the addition of the flannel shirt.
A good flannel shirt makes me weak at the knees too, for the record.
The point is, he’s not the stuffy guy Hudson’s trying to paint him as. He has range.
“Hey, man,” Jake says, holding out his hand. “Jake Sheppard.”
Hudson looks at Jake’s hand, and I think for a second he’s going to ignore it. But then he reaches out and grabs Jake’s hand, no doubt squeezing tighter than he needs to, and introduces himself. As my occasional lover.
What an obnoxious prick.
Three times after breaking up does not qualify as occasional. It qualifies as me having three really bad ideas.
“I’ve been helping Sutton fix up her barn,” Jake says, releasing his grip on Hudson. “Unfortunately, she was working with a bunch of problems that we need to fix.”
“What problems?” Hudson questions, eyes narrowing.
“How much time do you have?” Jake asks innocently, adding a head shake and a shrug. “It’s a long list. Whoever tried to help her before had no fucking clue what they were doing.”
“Oh, really?” Hudson asks. “Interesting. What does a lawyer know about construction?”
“Apparently, more than the last guy.” Jake laughs.
“All right, all right,” I say, stepping between them. “That’s enough dick-measuring, okay? We have goats and grandmas waiting to go caroling.”
“Oh, honey, we’re in no hurry,” Mrs Carrington—of the aforementioned grandmas—interjects. “I haven’t enjoyed the holidays this much since the year I set my grandson Theo up with Noel Winter.”
Great. Now my love life is the free entertainment for the seniors of Reindeer Falls. I hope none of them have figured out how to use TikTok yet.
“Are you ready?” I ask, looking pointedly at Jake.
“Ready whenever you are.” He grins at me before giving Hudson one last sideways glance.
I busy myself by grabbing the goats’ leashes. Hudson, thankfully, moves up to the front of the caroling line with his grandmother while we linger towards the back with the goats, and for a while, we just walk quietly as the carolers start up with Jingle Bells.
“So he’s your type?” Jake asks, nodding up where Hudson’s singing way louder than necessary, as if he’s some kind of professional baritone.
I shrug. “I thought so at the time.”
“He made shitty repairs on the barn,” Jake says, his tone dismissive.
“He made an even shittier boyfriend,” I reply, laughing.
Jake watches me out of the corner of his eye. He’s walking Martha, who’s basically trotting in order to keep up with his long legs.
“I know we agreed to just one night,” Jake says. “And even if we’ve failed catastrophically at timekeeping, I don’t have any right to say what I’m about to say. But Sutton… you really, really deserve better than that guy.”
My heart tightens. Why does he have to say things like that? Worse, why does he have to make me believe him? Then I start thinking that maybe we have a chance. Because he’s right. I’ve never felt that way about Hudson until tonight. I knew we weren’t well suited, perhaps. But I never felt like I deserved more. As if he wasn’t even worthy of my mistakes. But now that I have, it’s clear as goat prints in the snow, and I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.
Just enjoy the moment, Sutton, I tell myself. You don’t need a life plan with Jake Sheppard in order to enjoy him right now. Life is a series of moments, after all.
