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“I’m sorry, Bennett. I should have done more. I could have done more. There was no excuse.” My hands cup her cheeks, cradling her face.
“Butterfly, that was the past. Sure, we’ll have shit to deal with when it comes up. Right now, though, we got the future, and that’s enough of a hurdle to jump through, considerin’ I don’t even live here and am not sure how long the club will let me stay.” That’s something I’ll need to bring to the table next time I’m on the phone with Shovel and Razor.
“I don’t deserve you, Bennett. I failed you. I failed us. Who’s to say that won’t happen again?” Apparently, Shila is going to take the blame for everything, even when the fault lands in her parents’ hands. The only thing I know how to do is shut her up with my mouth, so that’s what I do.
“Bennett,” Shila’s whispers, reading my intention. I don’t respond. My lips touch hers. I feel her hands slide to my sides as her soft, pillowy lips meet mine. The slight breath she hums out lets me slide my tongue right where we both need it, just like in the past. Nothing has changed when it comes to the chemistry between us when we’re together. It’s slow, deep, full of passion, and I know if I let this continue, we’ll both be naked. I won’t regret a goddamn thing, but Shila might, and that’s the last thing we need.
6
SHILA
That kiss, it was so much like the last time—the taste of nicotine with a hint of mint, the breathless way Bennett left me, not to mention the ache that slowly built inside of me. I hated that it ended, loathed it entirely, yet it did.
“Turn your brain off, butterfly. We’re gonna order some food, relax, and if you feel like talkin’, that’s fine. If not, that’s good, too. Enjoy the moment and don’t overthink it, yeah?” Bennett says as he pulls away. I nod, worrying that this is too good to be true.
“Need words, Shila.” This time, it’s more of a demand.
“Uh, yeah. I’m just going to go take a quick shower and change. I’ve been in this for twelve hours, and yeah, sweat is not a good perfume. Order whatever you want. I’m not picky.” I’m cursing myself for acting so damn nervous. It’s like that first time we met all over again, me the bumbling, mumbling cheerleader and Bennett the hot new guy in school.
“Go shower. I’m assumin’ you like the same thing on your pizza and want a Greek salad minus the olives and onions?”
“Please, let me grab you some money, just in case they come before I get out of the shower,” I offer.
“Nope, it’s covered. Next time.” I roll my eyes. There won’t be a next time.
“Sure.” Bennett chuckles under his breath. I walk to my open bedroom door. The bathroom has a door in my room and also into the living room. It’s a small one-bedroom studio-style apartment with walls, but they don’t reach the ceiling, meaning there’s not much privacy, which is fine, or it was, until now. I’m on an emotional overload and can feel the waterworks ready to overflow. It’ll be hard to keep them at bay with Bennett within perfect earshot in my place.
My bedroom is still a mess from waking up entirely too late this morning after tossing and turning, worrying about how this whole Bennett situation would pan out. Then he takes the choice out of my hands, which I’ll be honest, it worked for the better. I close my door, strip down to my bra and panties, grab a fresh set of clothes, and walk into the adjoining bathroom. I listen with one ear while I adjust the water to the hottest setting, wishing there were enough time to take a hot bath. That’ll have to wait. I hear Bennett order our dinner, shocked he remembers so much, even what I liked to eat.
It only solidifies that even in our youth we were so in love with one another, and it was broken apart. Instead of it being on our terms, if it even was, it was nothing but pure toxic narcissism by my parents. Which is why I have zero contact with them. What they say is true. As long as you don’t talk to them, you aren’t feeding into their obnoxious behavior. I unclasp my bra, slide my panties down, and step inside the shower. The hot water stings my body in the best way possible. I immediately douse my head underneath the spray, trying to keep the tears at bay, but it doesn’t help. I don’t think anything will. My heart has been broken for so long. Partly my own doing, mostly by others. The pain that’s deep inside my chest doesn’t care who did the hurting. I still feel like the anguish will never lift. Add in that Bennett doesn’t even live here, and it has my mind in so much overdrive that the thought of being in here alone has me crumbling. I hurry to wash my body, then my hair, leaving my face for last since I’m trying to hold it all together by a string. I go through my motions, then I’m turning the water off, wrapping a towel around my hair and body.
