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I gave a shrug in guilt before I looked at Constance.
She wore a look of relief that I couldn’t explain. Like a boulder had been removed from her collar, her shoulders suddenly looked light. It was the same look she wore every time I came home, but I’d been at her side the entire day.
Bleu got to his feet and approached her. “Has she worn you out yet?”
Constance watched Claire come over to her with a look of fondness, and once she was close, Constance’s arm moved around Claire’s shoulders. “Nope.”
“I’m her best friend,” Claire said. “She loves me.”
Constance chuckled and gave her a pat on the shoulder. “You’re right about that, honey.”
Bleu turned back to me. “Ready?”
“Yeah.” I walked up to Constance. “Going out for a drink. I won’t be gone long.”
She nodded. “Have a good time.”
I gave Claire a kiss on the forehead before I walked out with my brother. It was a frigid night without the blanket of clouds overhead, but every time that ice-cold breath hit my lungs, it felt like the smoke of a good cigar. Side by side, we walked, headed to our favorite dive bar—The Green Goose.
We took our seats at the bar, each ordered something strong, and then relaxed after the first sip.
“Are you sure she’s your kid?” He swirled his glass as he surveyed everyone else in the bar. “Because she’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, and you’re…you.” He took a drink and caught the dribble at the corner of his lip.
“I don’t know how I got so lucky either.” She had my hair and eyes, but she didn’t have my darkness and bitterness. Thankfully.
“Makes me want one…”
I turned my gaze on him.
“Someday.”
I took a drink. “They’re a lot of work.”
“Yeah?”
“A lot of heartache.”
“You seem happy.”
“That’s not how I mean it. When you love someone that much…it’s hard. You’re always worried. You’re always living in the future but reflecting on the past. This little person relies on you for everything—and you can’t fuck up.”
“I wonder if it would have been easier if you weren’t a single dad.”
“A million times easier…as Constance has shown me.” When I glanced at the other side of the bar, there were two women there, both staring in this direction. My eyes went back to my scotch, and I drenched my tongue.
“How are things with you guys?”
“Good.”
Bleu stared at me. “I saw the way she looked at you.”
I pivoted in the stool and met his look but gave nothing away.
“Guess she’s not too traumatized after all.”
I took another drink. “She came on to me, alright? Now drop it.”
“Lucky son of a bitch…”
“You don’t even know her.”
“Know her? She’s gorgeous. What else do I need to know?”
I sidestepped the comment by taking another drink.
My brother stared at the side of my face for a while, his glass on the counter. When he spoke again, his voice was serious, the taunts finished. “So, what is this? A relationship? Just a fling?”
“None of your business. That’s what it is.”
“Benton, come on.”
I finished my glass then clanked it on the counter, needing another.
The bartender filled it again—and made it a double.
“How’s the construction going?”
“It’s not. Haven’t taken a job in I don’t know how long…”
“Are you going to shut it down?”
“I intended to juggle both, but I’m tired as fuck.” Now I had two different personas. In the dark, I was a monster. But in the day, I was a doting father. “When Claire gets older and starts asking questions, I won’t be able to keep up the pretense. But I won’t be able to tell her the truth either.”
“There’s no way out of this?”
I shook my head.
“He’s got enough men. What does he need you for?”
“It’s complicated.”
“You can’t pay him off?”
“No. This was the price to save Claire—and I’ll be paying it for the rest of my life.”
Bleu looked down into his glass before he stared at the mirror behind the bar. The booze was stacked on glass shelves, the more expensive items closer to the top. With an elbow on the counter, his stare lingered. “Would it help if I took over the construction company?”
I turned to regard him.
“Would be easier to keep up the pretense that way.”
“Got nothing else better to do?”
“I thought I’d like retirement, but I’m a bit bored.” His eyes stayed on the glass. “We got one on the hook. Wonder who she’ll go for…”
It was one of the women sitting at the other end of the bar. Brunette with striking eyes and a tight dress, she strutted to our spot with the kind of confidence that implied this wasn’t her first time making a pass at a stranger in a bar. “Hope it’s you.”
“I’m sure it will be.”
She came right to my side, her arm resting on the counter. “I’m Francesca—”
“Leave me alone.” My eyes remained on the mirror as I took a drink. Didn’t look at her directly. Didn’t acknowledge her.
