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“I do not think this will be a good time.” Her heart was starting to hurt.
Dante’s face became hard, his jawline a razor’s edge. “Don’t try to tell me you don’t enjoy fucking me, Kaja. I know that’s a lie. I can still feel your cunt squeezing me.”
And she could still feel his arms around her. They still spoke two different languages, wanted two very different things. It was easier when she could feel his mind, but he’d shut that down. The last time they had made love, she’d felt the wall come down between them as though he’d slammed a door in her face. “I like the mating. I just don’t like the way I feel when I know it’s only for now.”
His body relaxed, his arms coming out, coaxing now. “Is that all, Kaja? Baby, don’t worry about that. I promise the future is going to sort itself out.”
Perhaps. Perhaps not. “I have lived my whole life hoping things would work out. They never have. Things do not work out, Dante.”
He smiled down at her, smoothing back her hair. “Of course they do. They work out all the time. Just relax, and it’s going to be fine. One way or another, you’ll be taken care of.”
But she didn’t want to be taken care of. She wanted to be loved. Perhaps he had taught her more than pleasure. If someone had asked her what she wanted weeks ago, she would have told them she wanted a warm bed, enough food to fill her belly, and peace. Dante was offering her all of that, and now she wanted more. She was worth more.
His hands moved to her shoulders, gentling her. “Kaja, it might have already been decided for us, you know. The way we’ve been going at it, you might be pregnant.”
A pup. Baby. Dante’s people called them babies. She might be pregnant, a baby growing in her belly. The idea had panicked her before, but now a strange tenderness filled her. She’d worried that the pack wouldn’t accept a child from her belly any more than they had accepted her, but the world was so much bigger now. Kaja was bigger than before. She could make her way in this world.
And if she could not, then she would find another. She would never stop searching. She would walk the planes until she found the place where she belonged.
She loved Dante.
“Kaj, don’t cry,” he said. His face had fallen.
She felt the tears coursing down her cheeks, but he didn’t understand. She wasn’t sad, not exactly. She was more than she’d been before. She was stronger, and it was because she loved Dante. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t love her back. Her love for him made her better.
A baby. She could have his baby. She could have a child to hold and love and show the world to. The thought blanketed her heart in warmth. It scared her before. Now it was something to want. A child with Dante’s green eyes. A child to pour her love into.
“Kaja,” Dante said, his voice achingly quiet. “I’ll
stop. We don’t have to make love again until I can get you on birth control. If you really don’t want to risk it, I can get you some medicine that will take care of it.”
She shook her head. That was the last thing she wanted. “I don’t want medicine.”
The wolf she’d been still wanted to run from him. He could break her so easily, probably would, but the woman she was becoming stood her ground. If she didn’t fight, would she always regret it? How did one fight for a man? Would it even work if he didn’t want to be with her?
She wrapped her arms around Dante, her decision made. She would spend this time with him. She would make all the memories her heart could hold. When the time came to leave, she would do it with dignity. And she wouldn’t slink away to the woods. She would find a home. She would build a life.
“Kiss me.” She turned her face up as Meg had done to the sun when she’d realized her husbands were there. Dante was Kaja’s sun for now.
Dante gazed down at her, his eyes searching hers. “Are you sure, Kaj? I really don’t want to hurt you. That was never, ever my intention.”
“Why did you buy me?” She needed to know the truth.
His face flushed slightly, but his hands tightened around her waist. “I needed a wife. You were the first one I found.”
She’d been convenient. She could accept that. She’d gotten something from the deal, as well. Her life. “But you don’t need a forever wife.”
He brought their bodies together with a little bang. “Damn it, Kaj. I explained this to you. I’m crazy about you. I just don’t think I’m going to be very good at the whole marriage thing. Look, it’s not like I’m going to toss you aside. We’re married forever. There’s no going back, but one day we might want to go our separate ways. I don’t want to lie to you. I just want to be happy for now. Now is all we have.”
Yes, it was. The present was certainly all they would ever have if Dante wanted it that way. She couldn’t force him to feel for her what she felt for him. She couldn’t make him accept her forever. She could only control what was in her heart. She could only want what she wanted—and she wanted him. For as long as she could have him.
“Then kiss me.”
His face bunched up, his forehead wrinkling. “I really am crazy about you, Kaja.”
Crazy wasn’t love. Even she knew that. “Kiss me.”
He lowered his head, his lips brushing hers. “I know you don’t believe me. I’ll show you.”
