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“Come on, Garret,” I chided. “You knew she was pregnant.”
“No, I didn’t,” he denied. “I swear to you, I had no idea.”
“She told you,” I reminded him angrily. “The night she explained who she was, she said she told you everything. And after she confessed she was pregnant, you just left.”
“Oh God,” he groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I turned everything off that night. All I remember was her saying who she really was, and I kept replaying in my head over and over again all the fucked-up things I’d said to her over the years on social media. Then I left, got wasted, and the next thing I knew, you were slapping me across the face, trying to knock some sense into my dumb ass.”
“Well, you know now,” I said, giving him an encouraging smile when he dropped his hands. “Justice is just as dramatic as you are, by the way. She came into this world in a rush, demanding everyone sit up and pay attention to her. That includes you, so don’t disappoint her.”
“I won’t,” he vowed reverently. “From this moment forward, my only goal is to protect her and Lis.”
“Yeah?” I bit my lip. “Have you ever been to Colombia before? I mean, other than when you came with Dad?”
“Yeah, a few times. We control the biggest coke pipeline into the US, Nova. Once Matias died, we took over the fields he owned. I had to go down once or twice just to make sure everything was moving smoothly.”
I leaned in closer to my brother. “I own half of the Ramirez business now. The legit business.” His eyes nearly popped out of his head. “But if I go back to New York, I won’t be able to run the business as I have been. Would you maybe…want to take half of my half—”
“I’ll do it for free,” he rushed out. “For you and Cali. I owe you both.”
“I wouldn’t feel right unless you took a portion of mine.”
“Whatever. I’ll do anything you want as long as it gives me a reason to stay close to my girls.” He slumped back in his chair. “I have a feeling she’s going to try her hardest to keep me away. Running the business gives me an excuse to stay close.” He shifted his gaze back to me. “And what the hell do you mean, if you go back to New York. There is no if, Nova. Ryan needs you.”
“When did he get the tattoo?” I asked before I could stop myself.
“You saw that, huh?” He smirked when I merely shrugged. “The week after we buried you, he had Lyric slap it on him. Said he needed to have a piece of you with him so he didn’t lose what was left of his sanity. And, trust me, there isn’t much left. The fighting helped at first, but lately, he’s been letting them beat on him more and more before he finishes them.”
My mouth fell open. “Fighting? What are you talking about?”
“The twins convinced us to go to some underground cage fight a while back,” Garret explained. “Some idiot who was sitting in front of us kept running his mouth. Acting like a big shot. Considered himself important and trashing people left and right. He must have been living under a rock all his life, because he had no idea who Ryan was. Every time the asshole opened his mouth, I could see Ryan getting more and more agitated. And then suddenly, the guy was on the ground, and Ryan was beating the fuck out of him. It took two of us to peel him off. The guy was unconscious by then, and Ryan had blood all over him.”
“Holy shit,” I breathed, stunned.
“Yeah, it was bad. I heard the next week when we went back that the guy had a pretty severe concussion and still didn’t remember his own name.” Garret stretched his legs out in front of him, getting comfortable. “The promoter asked Ryan if he wanted in on the fights, and before Vito or Bennie could convince him it was a bad idea, he agreed. He’s a beast in the cage, sis, but he likes taking hits a little too much for my peace of mind.”
“But why?” I didn’t understand why Ryan would want anyone to hit him. After everything he’d been through with his mom when he was just a toddler, I figured he wouldn’t allow anyone to even touch him with violence without losing his mind.
“It’s the pain,” my brother confessed. “He likes it.” My confusion must have shown on my face because he muttered a curse and went on. “When we found you…or whoever the fuck that was, Ryan shut down. We went on the hunt for Sheena, but he was like an automaton. He was there physically, but he was just…empty. Without you, the poor guy is heartless, Nova. You’re the one who made him human. When we lost you, the Ryan we all knew disappeared, leaving us with the shell he is now.”
I tried to digest that, but it was hard. Guilt pressed down on me. If I’d gone home right away, Ryan wouldn’t have been put through all this pain. He wouldn’t be the heartless robot he’d turned into without me.
Garret must have sensed that I needed some alone time, because he grabbed a blanket out of the storage area and settled in to sleep. I sat there, curled up in a ball in my chair and tried not to cry. All this time, I’d considered Ryan the villain for not coming for me. But in reality, it was me. I was the one in the wrong.
It was a hard pill to swallow, but I had to own up to my mistake.
And figure out a way to make it up to the man I loved.
48
Ryan
My alarm went off, pulling me from the best dream I could ever remember having. Nova had been spooned behind me, her soft touch brushing over my skin, her lips pressed into the center of my back. Even as I shifted, I could still feel her, as if she’d actually been there.
For the first time in forever, I was able to fully inhale without it hurting, but it left me feeling restless. Waiting. Wanting. In my dream, she had been so close, her presence still lingered in my wakefulness. Turning, I touched where she’d been behind me in my dream. I could map out her outline, and part of me was convinced that her heat still lingered even though I knew she was never actually there. My head was playing games with me, and that void deep in my soul wasn’t the least bit soothed by the trick my mind was playing.
Reluctantly, I got out of bed and took a quick shower. Once I was dressed, I called for my driver before making a cup of coffee and grabbing an apple out of the fruit bowl. While I ate my breakfast, I flipped through my phone, checking any messages I might have gotten along with my work emails.
I had several from Mom, Samara, and Pop, but it was the one from Garret that pulled my focus.
