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there was no telling how thick it might become in the
days and months to follow.
After he had left I sat there on the verge of
tears. Although I was sure it wasn't his intention, the
more he demonstrated his love for me, the more guilty
I felt for loving and being with Beau. I told myself I
had warned Paul. I told myself I had never made the same sort of vows he had made, marrying myself to some pure and religious idea of a relationship that rivaled a priest or a nun's marriage to the church. I told myself I was a full-blooded woman whose passions raged through her veins with just as much intensity as any other woman's and I could not quiet
them down nor shut them away.
What's more, I didn't want to. Even at this
moment, I longed to be in Beau's arms again, and I
longed for his lips on mine. Filled with frustration, I
sucked in my breath and swallowed back my tears. It
wasn't the time to weaken and sob on pillows. It was
the time to be strong and face whatever challenges
malicious Fate threw my way.
I could use some good gris-gris, I thought. I
could use one of Nina Jackson's fast-luck powders or
Dragon Blood Sticks. Some time ago, she had given
me a dime to wear around my ankle. It was to bring
me good luck. I had taken it off and put it away, but I
remembered where it was, and when I took Pearl up
for her afternoon nap, I found it and fastened it around
my ankle again.
I knew many would laugh at me, but they had
never seen Grandmere Catherine lay her hands on a
fevered child and cause his or her temperature to go down. They had never felt an evil spirit fly by in the night, fleeing from Grandmere Catherine's words and elixirs. And they had never heard the mumbo jumbo of a Voodoo Mama and then saw the results. It was a world filled with many mysteries, peopled by many spirits, both good and bad, and whatever magic one could conjure to find health and happiness was fine with me, no matter who laughed or who ridiculed it. Most of the time, they were people who believed in nothing anyway, people like my sister who believed only in their own happiness. And I, better than most people my age, already knew how vulnerable and how
fleeting that happiness could be.
That night I saw how eager Paul was for us to
have an enjoyable dinner with his sister and her
husband. He wanted to do all that he could to drive
