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She smiled softly and returned to her guests.
A little while later, while I was talking with Dominique, a gallery owner who was trying to persuade Mommy to display my picture in his front window, Catherine approached.
"Claude's getting very upset. We all want to leave, Pearl. Lester and the others have already gone to his house. Are you coming or not?"
I bit down on my lower lip. A part of me did want to go, but another part argued against it. I looked across the room and saw Daddy laughing. The twins were gorging on strawberry shortcake with their friends. I could slip away without causing too much of a stir now, I thought.
"Let me talk to my mother," I said.
"Good.I'll tell Claude," Catherine said.
Mommy rarely missed anything happening around her. While she and her art world friends talked, she had her eyes on me. As I started toward her, she stepped away from the others.
"What is it, darling?" she asked. "You want to go someplace with your friends?"
"I guess," I said.
She looked at Claude, Catherine, and the others and then fastened her gaze on me. "Your heart's not fully in this for some reason, Pearl," she said with the assurance of a psychic. "What is it, honey? Is it going to be a wild party?"
"Maybe," I confessed.
She nodded. "You know what growing up is," she said, nodding like someone who had finally reached a conclusion. "It's knowing when to say no. Nothing more than that, I think," she added. "You decide. It's all right for you to leave if you want to. It's your night, Pearl. Daddy will understand."
We hugged, and I turned back to my friends. Claude raised his eyebrows and smiled. I started to nod and stopped. Once I left this house and went with Claude to Lester's, saying no would be harder than graduating from medical school, I thought.
"Coming now?" Claude asked anxiously.
"Why don't you and I stay here, Claude?" I suggested. "We can have plenty of privacy."
"Here? Are you serious? Everywhere you go, there are servants loitering--unless we slip up to your room," he proposed, his eyes lustful.
"Claude, I don't like being rushed into anything," I said.
"Rushed? We've been going together for nearly a year. That's like being married nowadays," he protested.
I started to laugh, but he continued, his anger building. "You don't know what it's like for me, lying to all my friends, pretending you and I are really lovers. All my friends have girlfriends who aren't afraid to make love."
"You mean you make up stories about us?" I asked.
"Of course. You want me to look like a fool?"
"Is that what you would be if we didn't sleep together, a fool? What about caring for me and my feelings?"
"That's what I want to do," he said stepping closer. "Care for your feelings. Come on, let's go with the others."
"I'd rather stay here, Claude," I said after taking a deep breath.
He shook his head. "You're never going to make love with me, are you?"
"I'm not going to make love just to keep some high school kids from thinking I'm a fool. It has to be something more serious."
He nodded. I saw that his eyes were a little bloodshot. "I think you should give me back my ring," he said. "It's just wasting away around your neck."
My heart was pounding to have such a dark and unhappy thing happen on this night, of all nights.
"Well?" he said. "What is it going to be?"
I undid the chain that held his ring on my bosom and handed it back to him.
