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"To what? What did he do?"
"I didn't let him do it, Mommy."
"Mon Dieu," she said, pressing her hand to her heart. "If your father finds out, he'll tear that man limb from limb."
"We better not tell him, Mommy. It was nothing. I can take care of it. In fact I did. He won't bother me anymore."
"What did he do?" Mommy asked, coming to sit on my bed.
I sat up and traced the threads in my skirt for a moment. "He said he had a young woman patient who had a problem making love. He called it the honeymoon injury and said he found out her problem was psychological. Then he started asking me personal questions, pretending he was just trying to learn about the problem."
"Go on," Mommy coaxed.
"He said I was frigid because I was too smart and I couldn't enjoy sex. He said he wanted to help me be sure I didn't have the honeymoon injury."
"Mon Dieu. This man should be brought up before the board of inquiry."
I shook my head. "I don't want to have to tell this story to anyone else, Mommy. Please."
"All right, honey. Don't worry. Of course," she said nodding, "you should have nothing more to do with him. If he so much as speaks to you--" "He won't bother me," I said.
"I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience, Pearl."
"It won't be my last time, Mommy," I declared confidently.
Mommy stared at me a moment. "No, it probably won't. You're very wise to know that, Pearl."
"Did such a thing happen to you?"
"Yes. Worse," she added. "My grandfather tried to sell me to a man. He even chained me to a bed so I would be there when the man came."
"How horrible. How could your grandfather do such a thing?"
"He was an alcoholic. He would have sold his soul for money to buy whiskey. Grandmere Catherine believed he did."
"What happened to you?"
"I managed to escape, and that was when I came to New Orleans and met your father. So you see, every dark cloud does have a silver lining," she added, smiling. I smiled and nodded and then tightened my lips and looked down again. "What else happened, Pearl?"
"It's not that anything else happened. It's . . ."
"What honey?"
"It's what he said. I wonder if there is any truth to it. My school friends think so, and so do all my exboyfriends, Oh, Mommy, what if it's true? What if I can never relax with any boy? No one will ever fall in love with me," I moaned.
"I don't think it's true, and I know you don't have to sleep with the first man who propositions you, just to prove you're not frigid. I don't suppose there's an approach that hasn't been tried on some
unsuspecting young woman, but for him to use his authority as a doctor . . . deplorable. There's nothing wrong with you, honey," she said, putting her arm around me. "I didn't sleep with every boy who wanted me to sleep with him."
"How many did you sleep with, Mommy?" I asked and then bit my tongue. Even though we were like sisters, I hated prying into such a personal part of her life.
She stared for a moment and then smiled. "I slept only with your father. No one else mattered," she replied. "Maybe that sounds stupid to today's young people, sounds boring, but--"
"It doesn't sound stupid or boring to me, Mommy."
"When you find the right person, something precious and good will happen, and that will make you feel safe with him. When you feel safe, you won't hesitate to be a complete lover. I'm not one of these love experts who write columns in the newspapers, but I know what was true for me, and I feel sure it will be true for you as well. You think too much of yourself and you value your emotions too much to give anything away cheaply. That's good, and it doesn't make you a prude or frigid. It makes you wise." She smiled and laughed to herself.
"What?"
