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"What about your girlfriends?" Jade asked.
"I had drifted away from most of them and I didn't know anyone I thought was mature enough to talk about it all anyway. Mommy didn't come home until very late that night. I was asleep, but I woke for a moment when I heard her footsteps and heard her open my door to peek in at me. I didn't say anything She closed the door and I fell back to sleep.
"In the morning I felt as if I had been wounded and a great scab had formed over me I think if Charles Allen and I had gotten to really know and like each other and really fallen in love with each other, it would have been different, but I kept thinking about how he had made me drunk and I just felt as if I had been used like some prostitute. It's hard to hold on to self-respect when you let things like that happen to you."
I paused and smiled at Doctor Marlowe.
"A lot of this I've realized with Doctor Marlowe's help," I said. The others looked like they understood that.
"Mommy slept late that morning. I made myself breakfast and went out back to relax on the chaise by the pool. It was a beautiful day, warmer than usual. I knew Mommy wouldn't be getting up soon. Whenever she stayed out late, she had to sleep late to protect her youthful skin and keep her eyes from drooping.
"Bored, I got up and fetched our Sunday paper off the driveway and then went out back to look at the magazine section. As I was thumbing through the paper, I came upon the social pages and nearly missed it. I actually started to turn the page when the name Fitch struck me and I sat up and spread the paper out to read under the picture. I recognized Charles Allen's mother, of course.
"His father was with her. They had attended a charity affair and they were listed as one of the important couples. That's where they were the night before.
"I was very confused. Do rich divorced people still go to social affairs together? I wondered.
"There was a tiny trickle of ice water running down the sides of my stomach. I rose and went inside, dazed, afraid. I didn't know what to do, but an idea came to me and I called Charles Allen's home, only when the butler answered, I asked for Mr. Benjamin Harrison Jackson Fitch.
"The butler wanted to know who was calling and I said an old friend from college.
"When he said, 'Just a moment,' my heart did flip- flops. Moments later I heard Charles Allen's father say, 'Hello,' and I hung up.
"His parents weren't getting a divorce?" Jade asked astounded.
I shook my head
"The bastard," Star said.
Cathy was nodding.
"Did you confront him with it?" Jade wanted to know.
"That day," I said.
"What did he say?"
"He claimed they had reconciled, but I pointed out that he had told me they were divorced just the night before and I repeated things he had said to me before we had made love."
"And?" Star pursued. She was leaning over, her hands clenched as if she was ready to jump up and follow me over to Charles Allen's house to beat his face into mush.
"He paused and said, 'What difference did it make now?'
"'if you don't know, I feel sorrier for you than I do for myself,' I told him and hung up.
"I've never spoken with him again," I said and looked at Doctor Marlowe. Her eyes told me I could say what was in my heart so I did.
"But you know what," I told the others, "I don't hate him as much as I hate my parents."
"Why?" Star asked
"Because they put her in that place," Jade said, her eyes small and sharp as she stared right through me. "They left her naked and alone and vulnerable, to use Charles Allen's word."
"Yes," Cathy said in a loud whisper. We all looked at her. "That's very true."
We all became very quiet, each of us looking behind our own eyes at the thoughts and pictures that played on our private screens.
"How do you all feel about continuing?" Doctor Marlowe asked. "We can take a short break, have a little lunch, go outside, walk around the house, get some air and put in another hour or so."
