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"How could he blame her?" Star asked, suddenly looking a lot more interested.
"That was when I first learned they were having sexual problems. He said she was too frigid most of the time and when they did make love, she was always complaining about the pain.
"'That's not normal,' he said. 'You've got to see a doctor about it."
"I did see my gynecologist and he said nothing was wrong with me. You're just looking for an excuse."
"'I don't mean that kind of doctor. You should see a psychiatrist,' he said. 'You make me feel like a rapist every time I want to make love."
"She started to cry and he apologized for his affair, claiming some great moment of weakness after having had too much to drink.
"I sat quietly on the steps and listened. He said he had just been lonely.
"'I swear I don't love her. She could have been anyone,' he said, but that only made my mother angrier.
"'How do you think that makes me feel,' she screamed, 'knowing you would sleep with anyone and then crawl beside me in our bed?'
"He apologized over and over and also pledged that it would never again happen, but he begged her to see a psychiatrist.
"'You're just trying to run away from blame,' she accused him again. 'You're just trying to make me look like the bad one here. Well, it won't work! It won't work!'
"She was coming up the stairs, so I snuck back into my room.
"For days afterward, it was as if they had both turned into mutes. If I didn't talk at dinner when we were together, no one did. They both used silence like a knife, cutting into each other's hearts, until one day my mother bought an expensive dress for an affair they were to attend and my father told her she looked terrific in it.
"Suddenly the floodgates of forgiveness were opened and they pretended they had never had an argument. It made me feel like I was living in a dream where people, words, events just popped like bubbles and no one could say whether they ever happened. Of course, I didn't know how serious the problem really was."
I paused.
Emma Marlowe came through the door with a tray upon which she carried a pitcher of lemonade and some glasses. There was a plate of chocolate chip cookies, too.
"I thought you might want this now, Doctor Marlowe," she remarked. She always called her sister Doctor Marlowe in our presence. I had to wonder if she did so when we were gone, too.
"Thank you, Emma," Doctor Marlowe said.
She placed it on the table, glanced at us all and flashed a smile before walking out.
"Help yourselves," Doctor Marlowe said
I took a glass of lemonade because my throat was dry from talking so much Star poured herself a glass, but Jade and Cathy didn't. Doctor Marlowe helped herself and drank with her eyes on me. I thought for a moment. My talking about my parents had opened closets stuffed with memories I had labeled and filed away, memories I had thought were buried forever.
"I remember the cards, so many cards, cards for everything. Neither of them ever missed the other's birthday or their anniversaries."
"Anniversaries?" Jade said. "How many times were they married to each other?"
"Not just that anniversary. They celebrated anniversaries for everything. . . first date, their engagement, stuff like that. Many of them were secret, but I could easily imagine what they were for," I said, looking at Cat. "Like the first time they made love."
Cathy turned a shade of pink
"I also think they did get married twice," I added for Jade. "The first time, they did it for themselves and the second time for the relatives. They always talked about renewing their vows when they were married twenty years. They made it sound so romantic and wonderful, I was even looking forward to it. I was supposed to be the maid of honor, carrying flowers. I might just go to someone's wedding that day."
"What do you mean?" Star asked with a confused smile across her pretty face. "Whose wedding would you go to?"
"I don't care whose it is. Anyone's. I'll check the newspapers and just show up and watch them get married and imagine the two people are my parents and everything was as wonderful as they said it would be."
"But . . ." Jade uttered with a look of confusion.
"As beautiful as they said it would be!" I screamed at her. She just stared. Everyone was quiet. Tears were burning under my lids.
