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"Yes," I said. "I am."
"Then no," Jade said. "Don't call anyone yet. Just wait. I'll be right there. Don't worry. We're coming to help you, Cathy."
She hung up. I held the phone a moment and then I hung up and listened. The house was quiet. No one's here, I told myself. Be calm, I coaxed that part of me that wanted to scream. Then I went to get a glass of water and wait, my eyes turned inward, looking at a whirlpool of fear, spinning, spinning.
Jade was the first to arrive. When I opened the front door, she stood there gaping in at me, shocked by the sight of me in a cast and on crutches. I watched her limousine leave.
"Star told me she thought you were on crutches. How did this happen to you?" she asked, still not taking a step into the house.
"I was up in our crawl space looking through old car tons, searching for my past like you said I should when she discovered what I was doing and took the ladder away. I tried to get down and fell. I broke a bone in my ankle."
"She took the ladder away? Why?"
> "To punish me for snooping," I said.
"And just left you up there? How cruel. Where is she?" she followed after a moment. We were still talking to each other in the doorway, but she gazed past me with tentative eyes as if she thought Geraldine might be lying right behind me in the hallway.
"In the living room. Like I said, I fell asleep upstairs. When I came down, the lights were all off. I found her on the floor," I said. "A lamp was
overturned on a table, too."
"Really?" She gazed past me again. "You sure you're alone?" she asked. I knew what concerned her.
"Yes. I checked and the rear door is still locked."
"All right," she said, sucking in her breath, "show me:'
I stepped back and she entered. I closed the door and led her to the living room. We both stood there looking down at Geraldine.
"I've never seen a dead person in person before," Jade said, impressed. "You're absolutely sure she's dead?"
"Touch her," I suggested. She stared a moment and shook her head.
"No, she looks dead enough." She stepped back and sat on the easy chair.
I continued to stare at the woman I had called Mother all my life, wondering why I wasn't feeling more sadness, why I wasn't bawling my head off. I guess it was because she still looked so mad at me, so mad at the world.
"Besides the lamp, were there any other signs of an accident or anything?"
I shook my head.
"You're looking at it all."
"Did you look at the rest of her?"
"Rest of her?"
"I mean, are you sure she isn't bleeding somewhere?" she asked with a grimace as if it put her in pain to even think about it.
I thought a moment and then went around behind Geraldine and lowered myself down.
"There's nothing," I said, and got back up.
"Maybe she passed out, fell, and hit her head or something," Jade muttered.
"Maybe. She wasn't acting right for days. I could see she was out of breath and even had some pain, but you know what I told you about her and doctors. She wouldn't ever admit to having a problem," I said. "She hated medicine and only took her herbal remedies. Actually, she was never very sick, but lately she looked pale to me often. Her lips are so blue," I added. "Otherwise she doesn't look so different. Her body's cold, of course:' I rambled.
Jade raised her eyebrows, embraced herself, and looked toward the front door.
