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When I gazed into his dark eyes, I saw the confusion.
"Oh Michael, I don't really have any family," I said. "My mother lives in her bedroom most of the time, doting on herself and being waited on hand and foot. My sister hates me, is very envious of me, and my brother . . . my brother . . ."
"Yes?"
I started to cry harder, sob like a baby. My shoulders shook. He put his arm around me quickly.
"Now, now, it can't be all that bad. Whatever it is, it's behind you. You're away from it and you're here at Bernhardt and working with me," he said. He kissed my forehead and brushed away some strands of my hair that had fallen over my eyes. Then he reached into his smoking jacket pocket and produced a hand-kerchief with which to wipe away my tears. As he did so, I gazed into his eyes. I felt like an instrument of yearning, filled with a ravenous desire for romantic fulfillment and I know he saw it in my face, for his expression changed into a more thoughtful one.
"There's something bewitching about you, Dawn. I knew it the first time I set eyes on you at the audition.
One second I look at you and you are a naive, young girl, and then I blink and your face changes and you become a provocative, seductive woman, a woman who seems to know exactly what she's doing."
He was mistaken, I thought. I never intended to be seductive. I hadn't started to cry for that reason. I shook my head and mouthed a "No," but he placed his right hand gently on my cheek.
"Oh yes, you do," he said. "Maybe you're not aware of it yourself, aware of your feminine power, the power you have and will have over men."
"Some women, women like you," he continued, "can turn a man into a boy in seconds . . . just like that," he added, snapping his fingers, "and make them beg, plead for a favorable look, a touch, a kiss. I've been all over the world, you know, and I have seen these women, have made a fool of myself from time to time over them. So I know from where I speak."
His eyes shone beautifully with unused tears. How deeply he felt the things he said, I thought. He was right when he told me that great actors, great singers, all great performers feel things more deeply.
"I don't mean to make it sound bad. You can't be bad. You can only be wonderful. If any man suffers because of you, it's his own fault," he added, sounding almost furious about it. Then his face softened again. He smiled and touched my cheek, gently.
"You will put this power to great use on the stage, believe me," he said. "The audience will feel it." I started to smile, but he remained very serious.
"You haven't had many boyfriends, have you?" he asked.
"No."
"I'm glad," he said so definitely that I looked at him with surprise. "I like working with someone who is pure and innocent. When you sing with me, it will be like making love, making love for the first time each time we sing together."
I held my breath. He paused, but I didn't know what to say or what he expected of me. Sing with him? Where? When? Silence thicker than a fog came between us. He didn't take his eyes off mine. Then the tips of his fingers glided down my cheek and over my lips.
"I was very impressed with you today," he whispered, "especially after I kissed you at the end of the song. You really did understand. Do you know the difference between a stage kiss and a real kiss?"
I shook my head.
"A stage kiss looks passionate, but the two people hold back the passion. I've had to kiss women I could barely tolerate looking at.
"But I didn't have that problem with you today," he added quickly. "There was already something between us, some invisible cord tying us to each other, pulling us to each other. In fact, I'm having trouble keeping my lips away from yours right now. Does that frighten you?"
"No," I said, even though it did. It made me tremble like a little girl to hear him say such things, things I had dreamt he would say to me.
He took my wine glass from me and put it on the table. Then he turned back to me, moving his face toward mine slowly, and ever so slowly, brought his lips to my lips. I closed my eyes the moment we touched. This time my lips parted beneath his prolonged kiss. I gasped because his tongue touched mine, but I didn't pull away. When he lifted his lips from my mouth, I started to open my eyes, but he kissed them shut, kissing my eyelids softly and then kissing my cheek and moving down to my neck.
"Oh Dawn," he whispered, "you are a lovely creature, a most exquisite young woman. I have seen beautiful women all over the world and you are one of the most beautiful."
Me? I thought. One of the most beautiful women in the world? He must be saying these things and doing these things just to make me feel better,
"You and I will be spectacular together. I will make you into one of the greatest singing stars. I can't wait until you and I sing together, for we will put this passion we feel toward each other into our music and our music will be extraordinary. Do you want that?"
What could I say? I had fantasized about my picture on billboards, my name in lights. And here was Michael Sutton telling me the whole world would know about me. We would be on Broadway together. We would be in movies. Grandmother Cutler would die a thousand deaths. She would hear and see my name everywhere.
"Yes," I said, thrilled that at long last I would prove Grandmother Cutler wrong. "Oh yes, yes."
"Good." He pressed himself closer to me. "You must not be afraid of deep feelings and feeling deep passion. You will need to find these feelings when you sing. They are hidden inside you, waiting to be discovered. I’ll help you find them," he said, and I felt his hands slide down my arms to my waist. His fingers slipped under my sweater and his palms were against my naked skin as his hands climbed quickly to my breasts. He pressed them and leaned against me more so that I had to slide back along the sofa. A moment later, he was looking down at me.
"I want to be the first to bring you to ecstasy," he whispered, "the first to take you to heights you've only read about or dreamt about. I knew that today, understood it at the end of our lesson. It's only fitting we share the greatest moments together, that I be the one to introduce you to real passion, for I will be the one who will bring you to your ultimate singing capabilities. You can't sing about the ultimate moment of love if you haven't experienced it.
