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I never knew such unselfishness. Why couldn't my daddy have had half Luke's love for me and have been willing to sacrifice some of his business interests in order to help and protect me? Why couldn't my mother have cared more for me than she cared for herself? My parents claimed they loved me, but they didn't love me the way Luke did. His was a more honest and sincere love because he was willing to sacrifice for me.
And then I thought love means not only sacrificing, but wanting to sacrifice, getting pleasure out of giving to your loved one more than you give to yourself. How lucky I was to have found someone who loved me this way.
I looked at Angel. She seemed to be smiling. Perhaps she was my guardian angel after all; perhaps she had brought Luke to me or me to him. And now Luke wanted to be that same guardian angel.
Luke saw the way I was gazing at Angel.
"What's she-tellin' you?" he asked softly, hopeful.
"She's telling me to say yes, Luke," I whispered, as much to myself as to him.
His dark eyes brightened. What a handsome smile he had. He was the kind of young man who would only grow more and more good-looking with every passing year and he would be my husband.
"She's telling me to say yes," I repeated, looking into those beautiful eyes.
Luke embraced me and we kissed.
A journey that had begun in anger, fear and hopelessness had suddenly become a journey of love and hope. My tears were different. They were tears of happiness and they were warmer. I held on tightly to Thomas Luke Casteel. My heart beat happily. There was magic in the air.
The circus management was not upset about Luke's abrupt departure because he explained that he was going to marry me and start a new life back in his hometown. He told them he had obligations and responsibilities now and the news spread quickly through the carnie population. By the time we had gone back to his tent to gather his things, a crowd of well-wishers had appeared. It was an unusual crowd, to say the least. I found myself being introduced to and congratulated by the bearded lady, the Siamese twins, midgets, the fattest man in the world, the tallest man in the world and the strongest man in the world, as well as jugglers, tire eaters, acrobats, and the knife thrower and his wife. Then the magician, the Amazing Mandello, appeared with his glamorous assistant and asked me to give him my hand. I looked at Luke, who nodded, so I did so, and suddenly, I felt a ring in my palm.
I opened it and saw a pretty, imitation rhinestone.
"A gift from the Amazing Mandello," he announced. "Your wedding ring." The audience that had gathered around us "oohed" and "ahhed" as if he had handed me something truly valuable. They all truly lived in a world of illusion, but I didn't mind. I felt as if I had entered their world, a world in a rosetinted bubble,
"Oh, thank you. It's beautiful." Back in Farthy I had real diamond rings and bracelets and necklaces, but here at Luke's circus, amidst all these friendly, happy people, I thought this ring was the most precious and wonderful I had ever received. All of these people liked Luke so much and wished him the best.
"We'll be stopping at the justice of the peace right down the street on our way out," Luke announced. There was a murmur of excitement. Someone said, "Let's go," and the whole crowd of circus people followed us to the home of the justice of the peace. It was surely a wedding he and his wife would never forget.
The judge couldn't conduct the wedding in his office. Our guests even crowded his nice-size living room and spilled out onto the porch. The Siamese twins, two men in their twenties who were attached at the waist, played piano. They squeezed themselves onto the piano stool and began a rendition of "Here Comes the Bride." I looked around me, into the eyes of the bearded lady, the smiling faces of the jugglers and midgets and acrobats, and thought about Momma's wedding.
It seemed a hundred years ago, but I
remembered how nervous and uncomfortable I was following those elaborately dressed bridesmaids down the great stairway. I recalled the sea of faces below . . . all those wealthy people, the men in expensive tuxedos, the women in designer gowns and bedecked with precious je
wels, one trying to outdo the other.
My mother had promised me a wedding just like hers with a costly reception, but here I was in the home of this ordinary justice of the peace, marrying a young man I had just met, and surrounded by circus people. Never in her wildest imagination could Momma have envisioned this, I thought.
And yet, I wasn't upset about it. I didn't mind not having the famous and upper-class people around me; I didn't care that I was wearing one of my simple summer dresses, instead of a custom-made wedding gown, and that as soon as this was over, we would be off without any reception, no music and dancing and fancy foods.
But I knew that no amount of money, not a hundred more rich people nor a mountain of food, could have made Momma's marriage any happier or her life any better. The guests she had at her wedding didn't look at her and Tony as warmly as Luke's circus friends looked at us. Momma's well-wishers weren't anywhere as sincere. I felt a real pouring out of hearts. When these people kissed and hugged me, they meant it. They were a special, happy lot, many of whom had overcome their peculiarities and made those peculiarities work for them. They were show people who lived to give other people pleasure, lived to dazzle and amuse. In a way they did live in a world of magic, the magic of smiles and laughter, the magic of the lights and the music. No wonder Luke had been so comfortable among them, I thought.
"Well, now," the judge said when he took his position before us and looked around him, "I guess we can begin."
The judge was a tall, thin man with a red mustache and hazel eyes. I knew I would never forget his face, for he was about to utter the words and make the pronouncements that would tie me forever and ever to Thomas Luke Caste& Luke's future would be my future; his pain, my pain; his happiness, my happiness. In a real sense, our lives resembled two trains that had approached each other from different angles and joined to continue their journey. It was significant that we met at a train station, I thought.
The judge's wife, a short, plump woman with a jovial face, stood beside him, her eyes wide with amazement, too.
The judge began, and when he reached that point where he asked if I take Thomas Luke Casteel to be my loving husband, to have and to hold until death did us part, I closed my eyes and thought about Daddy holding me in his arms when I was no more than eight or nine and promising to build me a mansion when I got married, "a castle on a hill for you and your prince." I heard my mother rattling on and on about the day I would get married, what I must wear, how I must act, who I must invite. My whole life seemed to flash by in seconds, the words, the pictures, the smiles and the tears all falling away until I could hear only the pounding of my own, excited heart.
"Yes," I said, turning to Luke and looking into his deep, dark eyes and seeing the promise of love, "I do."
"And you, Thomas Luke Casteel, do you promise to have and to hold Leigh Diane VanVoreen, to love and to cherish her through sickness and through health until death do you part?"
"I do," he said with a manly firmness that nearly took my breath away. He looked ready to fight to the death to make me happy.
"Then by the power vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."
