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"But instead of being grateful that I found you a rich, decent man who would provide you a more than comfortable life, what do you do ... hate me and finally throw it all away for a man nearly twenty years younger!"
The words stung my ears. ". . . after he had gotten you pregnant"? What was Grandma Jana saying? Had Momma been pregnant once before she had me? Did she have an abortion? Was there another child?
"I didn't expect you would understand anything," Momma said haltingly, "and least of ail, care about what I felt, what I needed and wanted. Cleave's an old man now; he doesn't care about anything but his business. I'm too young to bury myself and I'm lucky to find a man like Tony Tatterton. Wait until you see Farthinggale Manor, wait until you see . . ."
"How much does this young man know about your past? Does he know the truth? Have you ever told Cleave the truth or does he still think Leigh's his child?" Grandma Jana demanded.
It was as if some giant, invisible pair of hands had grasped me at the waist and squeezed. I bent over in agony, embracing myself. What was Grandma saying . . . Daddy wasn't my real daddy? Another man had made Momma pregnant and Daddy married her not knowing? Who was I? What a horrible, horrible secret to keep from Daddy and from me!
"Why should they know these things?" Momma said, her voice weakening.
"Thought so." I could imagine Grandma Jana's eyes burning into Momma's face. "Does this Tony Tatterton know how old you really are?"
"No," Momma said, her voice small. "And please, don't tell him. Don't spoil this for me."
"Disgusting. Another life built on lies. I have a good mind to turn right around and head straight home, but I came and stay for Leigh's sake. That poor child having to be dragged through one thing after another by her selfish, vain, foolish mother."
"That's not fair," Momma cried. "I've done everything I can to make her life happy, happier than my own miserable life was. Now she will live like a princess and go to the finest schools and meet the best of society, and all because of me, because of my beauty and what that beauty can do to a man!"
"This will come to no good," Grandma Jana predicted in a biblical voice. "Mark my words. You are a sinner, Jillian!" she hissed. "And much worse, a more stupid sinner than I ever imagined!"
"Well it's all done, signed and sealed, and there's nothing you can do or say about it. You're not running my life like you did in Texas, and I won't have you sneering at everything. This is going to be the most wonderful wedding, maybe the most important social event of the year in New England."
"Humph," Grandma Jana said again.
Momma began to describe her wedding plans. I got up slowly from the-bench, resembling a
sleepwalker as I started up the stairway, still embracing myself.
I would never tell Daddy, I thought. I would never break his heart, and I didn't care what was true and what was not--in my mind and my heart, he would always be my daddy. But Momma, all those lies, those stories. It was as if bubbles were bursting all around me, lights shattering, streamers floating down, my world crumbling like a house of cards or, as Grandma Jana said, a life of lies.
And Momma living the biggest lie of all. Her advice came up in my throat like sour milk. I could still see her face when she said it, wearing the mask of sincerity, false sincerity.
"Remember this, Leigh: nice girls don't go all the way. Not until they're married. Promise you won't forget that."
I won't forget it, Momma.
I turned at the top of the stairway. I wanted to shout it out, let her know what I had overheard,
I WON'T FORGET IT, MOMMA!
nine HERE COMES THE BRIDE
. I did nothing to let Momma know what I had overheard while sitting outside Daddy's office; but whenever I looked at Momma now, I saw someone different from the woman I had wanted so much to resemble. It was almost as if my real mother had gone away and left this look-alike, this woman who had Momma's hair and Momma's eyes and Momma's beautiful skin, but who was empty inside.
Most of our time was spent discussing the final wedding details anyway. Actually, it was all we talked about. Even Grandma Jana was drawn into the discussions when Momma cleverly asked for her opinion about this or that. And then Farthy, with its magical powers, its mystical presence, overwhelmed her. Despite the way she felt about Momma's leaving Daddy and marrying a man so much younger, Grandma Jana was impressed. The size and the opulence of Farthinggale Manor took her breath away. When we drove through the gates, she wore a look of amazement, wondering aloud as I had wondered how one man could own so much.
Tony charmed her as well, treating her as if she were royalty. If he had had a red carpet to roil out over the steps and snow, he would have done it. He placed her left hand on his right arm and escorted her through the large rooms, explaining who was in this ancestral portrait and that, spending a great deal of time reviewing his history and talking about his parents and grandparents.
At lunch he had the waiters and waitresses hovering around her like hummingbirds. She couldn't lift a spoon or reach for a dish without a servant anticipating her wants and getting it for her. And all the while, Momma stood back quietly with her Mona Lisa smile. Whatever resistance and reservations had been in Grandma Jana when she had arrived slipped away. After I saw the way Tony Tatterton doted on her, flattered her, charmed her with his manners, his good looks, and his wealth, I understood why such a man could win the heart of any woman, especially a woman like Momma.
"I knew Tony would tame her," Momma whispered in my ear when we left Farthy for what would be the final time, for tomorrow was the wedding and when I returned, it would be for good. In the evening,
just before I went to sleep, I packed all my photographs and precious mementos. I had left them for the very last moment, clinging to some hope that this really wasn't going to happen. But now my fate was sealed.
In the morning the house was a buzz of activity. Momma flew about from room to room like a bee in a field of wildflowers. She was so flustered and excited that if I asked the simplest question, she would go into a panic and beg me to solve the problem myself. She refused to eat anything for breakfast. I had little appetite, too, but I ate what I could. This was the last meal Svenson would prepare for me; the last meal Clarence would serve. It wasn't until we all headed for the limousine that I realized Mamma hadn't invited Clarence and Svenson to her wedding. The two of them stood side by side in the doorway as Miles loaded our things into the trunk.
"Good luck to you, Miss," Clarence told me. There were tears stuck in the corners of his eyes. "And don't forget to come by to say hello when
