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“What? Why not?” he asked with an incredulous smile.
“The business was always more important to Cassie than it was to me. I wouldn’t force my children to work in the corporation. Suppose one of them wanted to be a doctor or an actor or something?”
He laughed. “No one growing up here could avoid becoming a part of the Heaven-stone Corporation.”
“I did,” I said.
“I thought you were going to work for your uncle.”
“But I didn’t, did I? Actually, Lucille talked me out of it. And then you did as well. Remember?”
He was quiet, and we didn’t talk about the corporation or having children any more that night. Despite how everyone had acted at dinner and afterward, I knew my having visited my daughter was still quite shocking. I had even heard it in Uncle Perry’s voice when he had called.
I imagined he and Daddy had some conversations about me over the next few days. I was sure Uncle Perry took my side of things and probably persuaded Daddy to wait before getting me back into formal therapy again. He never mentioned it. In fact, as Ethan had hoped, my visiting the Normans wasn’t mentioned again, either. Ethan and I had our dinners out. He was as sensitive and caring as could be the first night and tried to repeat the warm, romantic times we’d had in Monaco.
The second time, we did meet the executive he had mentioned, Charles Duncan, and his wife, Sandra. They had two children: a boy, age five, and a girl, age four. Sandra was a stay-at-home mother, who had gone to college and majored in English, intending to become a teacher. She said she had made the choice to be with her children during their younger years and expected to go into teaching when they were older.
Although Sandra was very nice, I had the feeling Ethan had wanted me to meet her so I would be more enthusiastic about having children. I even thought he had discussed it wi
th Charles beforehand and encouraged them to be upbeat about their family life. All the way home, he raved about how wonderful their marriage was and how he had high hopes that ours would be as good. He urged me to get friendlier with Sandra, too.
“You need friends, Semantha. You have to get out and about so you can look to the future and not dwell on the past.”
When you had a past like mine, how did you not dwell on it? I wondered.
My dreams, Cassie’s whispers, and my unhappy memories continued to dominate my days during the weeks and months that followed. Ethan tried to get me to go out more often, but I always came up with some excuse to avoid it. Twice, Lucille—the second time with more authority and sternness—advised me to socialize more and stop being such a homebody. “You have a husband who needs you at his side,” she said.
A few times, perhaps hoping to get me jealous or something, she accompanied Ethan to a business social event and then raved about how flattered she was when strangers assumed she was his wife. Even Daddy began urging me more intently to socialize. “Enjoy your life more, Semantha,” he said. “Take advantage of your wonderful opportunities.”
I was sure that it was mostly for my benefit when he and Lucille insisted that Ethan and I accompany them on some dinner dates. I made one excuse or another to avoid it. After a while, they stopped pressuring me and tried a new tactic. They spent most of the time at dinner or anyplace else we were all together talking about how wonderful the event had been that I hadn’t attended. I sat quietly listening. Their conversations became solely three-way, and gradually it was as if I weren’t there or had become invisible.
I knew Lucille was beginning to be more persistent in urging my father to get me back into therapy. However, unlike with most of the things she asked him to do, he held back. I did overhear him telling her, “If she doesn’t want to do it, Lucille, it won’t be of any value. It’s not like we can have her committed. This has to be voluntary. She has to believe she needs to do it; otherwise, it will be a waste of time and money.”
Cassie was very pleased about that. Finally, there was something significant over which Daddy and Lucille disagreed. She attributed it to my becoming more and more like her. “You’ve got backbone now. You don’t let everyone take advantage of you, use you. You’re becoming more and more of a Heaven-stone.”
Yes, I thought. I am becoming more like her. It’s true. I thought I could even see it in the faces of the Heaven-stone ancestors on the wall of portraits whenever I walked past them. Oddly enough, even though everyone was treating me as if I were as fragile as bone china, I felt stronger. I think Daddy saw it in my face as well. I detected something different in the way he looked at me.
“He’s seeing me in you,” Cassie whispered. “That’s good. We’re winning.”
Yes, I thought again, and then, maybe just out of some instinct that had been resurrected within me, I turned one day in the upstairs corridor and entered Cassie’s room. The room had never been touched or changed in any way. The maids had been told to dust it periodically, but nothing had been taken out of it or moved to the attic. It was as if everyone knew Cassie really was still there. Daddy wanted the room kept that way, and for some reason, this was one thing Lucille never challenged. It was easier simply to keep the door closed.
Entering the room now brought back a flood of memories, very early ones from when we had been much closer as sisters. Often, when I was young, I would sit beside her or on the floor while she paraded about giving one of her Cassie lectures about school and other kids my age, but mostly she had preached about what was expected of us as Heaven-stones. I had been quite in awe of her back then, and even at that young age, I had sensed how much Daddy and other adults respected her. I couldn’t help but want to be like her in so many ways.
I went to her closet and opened it to look at her clothing. Mother had dressed me so differently. My hair had always been longer, and I did much more with makeup. That was not to say that Cassie had been unattractive. She had many striking features, and boys who didn’t know anything about her had been drawn to her at first. She had Mother’s eyes and healthy-looking, rich light-brown hair. She had been more full-figured than I would be at her age, and quite a bit taller.
Sifting through her clothes, I came upon a dark blue skirt she had worn often. It had a gold hem. I plucked it out and put it against me. Instead of falling mid-leg, it was closer to ankle-length, but our waists weren’t that different. I took off my skirt and put it on. Then I sifted through her clothes again until I found the top she had often worn with this skirt. It was a lighter blue, short-sleeved, with a V-neck. I took off my top and put it on. It was more loose and baggy than any top most girls would wear, but not clownish.
When I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw Cassie slip into my body. My hands went right to my hair, and then, without the slightest hesitation, I opened the top drawer of her vanity table and found her scissors. My memory of Cassie’s hair was still quite vivid. She wouldn’t wear it much longer than to the bottom of her earlobe. I began to cut my hair. Once I started, there was no choice but to finish. I snipped and snipped, doing what I thought was a rather good job of keeping the ends even. My hair fell around me in clumps. I brushed the strands off my top and stood back to look at myself.
Cassie’s face faded in and out of mine. My heart was pounding. This will surprise Daddy, I thought, but he will surely like it. Despite Mother’s continuous suggestions for her hair, her clothes, and her makeup, Cassie had never altered anything, and most important of all, Daddy had never urged her to follow Mother’s suggestions and never complained about her appearance. I knew he was still unhappy with me for visiting the Normans, even though he didn’t mention it anymore. I wanted to please him. If he saw what was Cassie in me, he would surely think about the good times, when there had been far more love in Heaven-stone, and smiles and laughter had been more at home.
This will change everything, I thought, and he will be more my father than Lucille’s husband. What had once been a strong family, a Heaven-stone family, would return in its full glory.
“Yes,” Cassie whispered, “yes.”
Ethan was home before Daddy and Lucille. He found me sitting in the living room reading one of Cassie’s favorite books. I didn’t realize how long he had been standing there when I looked up from the pages. The sight of me surprised him so much that he was speechless.
“Oh, hi,” I said.
