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The New York spring this year was far warmer than the previous two I had experienced. The trees and foliage were lush, and the lawns actually compared in rich green color to some Kentucky grass. When I told that to Ethan, he laughed and said, “I can see you’ll measure the rest of the world against your precious old Kentucky home.” He quickly added that he thought there was something wonderful about having such a sense of home and admitted he wished he had the same passion for the world in which he had been raised.
I really enjoyed and looked forward to being with Ethan. At times, I felt as if he knew my deepest secret and skirted and avoided anything that might upset me. We kissed and held each other, but he never pushed me to have sex with him. Anyone might have thought he was someone who lived in an earlier time, when relationships were more formal and women held on to their virginity.
On the weekend before graduation, however, we went for a ride and came to an out-of-the-way motel. We were about twenty miles west of the city. He didn’t drive in, but he pulled the car to the side of the road in front of it. For a few moments, he didn’t say anything.
“What’s wrong, Ethan?” I asked.
“I don’t want to lose you,” he said.
“Why do you think you might?”
He turned to me with as serious an expression as I had ever seen on his face. “Women have always been a puzzle missing a few pieces for me,” he began. “So, I’m not quite sure what I should do next, what you expect of me.”
“I don’t understand, Ethan.”
“On the one hand, I don’t want you to think I want to be with you for a short, sexual affair and then never see or care about you again, but on the other hand, I don’t want you to think for one moment that I don’t desire and need you more than anything or anyone.”
I smiled. I was expecting something far worse. “I don’t think either one, Ethan.”
He reached for my hand. “I haven’t felt this way about any other girl, Semantha. I hope you believe that. Unless I’m reading an assignment or doing a paper or taking a test, I’m thinking about you. No matter what other girl crosses my path, I see you. When I close my eyes, I hear your voice only and smell the scent of your hair. I’m sure this is what they mean when they say someone is possessed.”
All I could do was smile. His words were like soft butterflies finding and weaving their way into my heart.
“In a little over a week, we’re going to be very far apart,” he continued. “Of course, I’ll come see you whenever I have a chance, if you want me to.”
“Of course I do. I’ll look forward to it, more than I’ll look forward to anything else.”
He drew closer to kiss me.
“I guess what I really mean to say right now is that I’d like to spend more intimate time with you,” he said softly. “I mean, before we part. Would you like that?”
I sat back. His gaze was on the motel. It wasn’t hard to imagine what he meant.
“We’ll be safe,” he said, seeing me look at the motel, too. “I have what’s necessary.”
“Don’t believe him,” Cassie whispered.
If she hadn’t, I might have said we should wait, but I didn’t. I wanted to defy her, to prove her wrong, so I said, “Yes, I would like that.”
He smiled and drove us up
to the motel office. I waited in the car. I could feel Cassie in the backseat, glaring at me.
“You’re going to make another dreadful error.”
“I never did,” I said. “You caused it. You were totally responsible, so don’t dare blame me.”
“Nothing happened that you didn’t want to happen. It takes a willing garden to let a flower grow.”
“Shut up,” I said. I shook my head and put my hands over my ears.
Ethan came out and got into the car. He saw how upset I was getting.
“You okay? Something wrong?”
I looked back. She wasn’t there.
“No, nothing. I’m fine.”
