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In a few hours, Karen's stepfather would be buried but hardly forgotten. Her name would be on everyone's lips. All this would be happening while she moved in the shadows and behind the curtains of my house, because I was keeping her secret, a secret like a daily dose of poison that could make me sicker and sicker.
10 Back to School
I saw from the way the girls clumped around Alice Bucci while they looked my way that the story about her mother and mine arguing in the hospital was already old news. She led them toward me the moment I went to my locker. They all wore gleeful smiles, their eyes dazzling with anticipation. The show was about to begin. The curtain they had expected to go up yesterday was finally being lifted. They gathered in a semicircle, trapping me against the bank of lockers. I felt myself stiffen and tighten all over, but then I imagined that Karen was right beside me. Together, we could stand against any and all.
One thing was certain: I couldn't show any fear, not even nervousness.
"So, what do you think of your friend now?" Alice asked.
"I still prefer her to you," I said, and her face turned traffic-light red so fast it looked as if a fire had started in her nose and mouth. Her friends all groaned and laughed.
"Well, you're just . . . a . . . you're just a . . ."
I stepped closer to her. We were practically nose to nose, my eyes drilling into hers.
"Don't spit it out, Alice. Swallow it!" I shouted.
Her eyes nearly exploded with fear and surprise at my strength and aggression in the face of her and all her friends.
When I shifted my gaze to the others, I saw they were looking at me with similar expressions of terror, and I suddenly realized that because I was Karen's best friend and because of what she had done, I wore a new cloak of invincibility. It was as if they believed I might be capable of the same violent actions and was therefore someone too dangerous to confront. They were already stepping back. Alice spun around and retreated. Her friends froze for a moment and then followed her down the hall, waddling behind like baby ducks.
I let out a trapped breath. I had met my first test and held up. Karen's going to be proud of me. Wait until I describe this to her I thought, and smiled to myself. Head high, I sauntered down the hallway to my homeroom before the first warning bell sounded. Mrs. Cassidy, my homeroom teacher, gave me a friendly and comforting smile, and I felt my body soften and relax while we all listened to the morning announcements.
All day, I sensed the eyes of my fellow students following me, watching my every gesture, my every expression, and listening to me whenever I was called on to answer a question. My voice never cracked. I didn't stumble. I was just as prepared as I ever was, not that I was any genius. Some looked surprised; many were disappointed. Sally Bruckner, a mousylooking girl in our class who was more often alone than not, was the nicest to me. Loneliness made us birds of a feather.
"I'm sure you're upset about Karen," she said. "It's very sad."
"It is," I told her, and she left it at that. Later, I sat with her in the cafeteria.
To my utter astonishment, Dana Martin came over to sit with us. Apparently, Karen was a wizard when it came to predicting what the other students, especially boys, would do.
"Mind if I join you?" he asked, putting his tray on the table and sliding into a chair.
"Anyone is free to sit anywhere he or she wants," I said.
He smiled, sat, and shook a container of milk Sally looked down at her food. When he started to eat his sandwich, I saw how almost everyone else in the cafeteria was watching us. My heart began to pound, despite my brave front.
"Did you know I
saw her the night before all this happened?" he asked, taking another bite of his sandwich.
"Saw who?"
"Very funny," he said, smiling.
"If you're referring to Karen Stoker, the answer is no. The night before all this happened, as you put it, I was with her at her house."
"All night?
"No."
"I imagined you two shared everything. She didn't tell you how she snuck out to meet me once before?"
I looked at Sally and then at him. Karen had told me about meeting him, of course, but I had no idea she had done so the night before her
confrontation with her stepfather.
"No, she never told me such a thing "
