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"Okay, thanks," I said.
He nodded and got into his car. Feeling terrible, as if I had swallowed a pile of pebbles, I turned and hurried to the bus. I made my way down the aisle to the rear seat, as usual, and plopped down, pulling my legs up and turning my body so I didn't have to see any other student, just the way Karen always did. I looked out the window, but I wasn't looking at anything. When the bus started away, the noise around me grew louder and louder. The chatter sounded like electric motors humming away. I wasn't listening to anyone in particular. Words ran into words until they were indistinguishable. A kaleidoscope of emotions twisted and turned under my breast. The great secret of Karen in our nest bore a hole in my heart because of how I was deceiving my parents. I couldn't stop thinking about handsome Dana Martin, either, and the tension of the day. Anticipating more confrontations kept me on such edge I felt as if I had been running for hours.
I closed my eyes and bounced along with the bus as it went around turns, made stops, and continued. I was actually feeling quite nauseated. Nervousness had twisted my insides as if I were made of rubber bands. Why did I turn my father's offer down? I could have been home already and comfortable. Why was I afraid of frightening Karen? She didn't seem capable of fear, at least the fear I felt. I looked up at the attic window as I stepped off the bus, but I didn't see her peeking out. Maybe she was downstairs, I thought, and hurried to the front door.
Just as I was about to shout for her, the phone rang. I debated letting it ring but decided it might be my mother calling from the hospital to be sure I was doing okay.
"Hello," I said, gazing around in expectation of Karen appearing out of one of the rooms.
"Zipper," I heard, and knew it was Jesse. "I can't believe what Mom told me. I've been calling every minute for the last twenty, hoping to catch you as soon as you got home from school before I have to attend my next class. What happened? Why did she do it?"
How strange, I thought, that lying to my parents was easier than lying to Jesse. I started to say, "I don't know," and stopped.
"She hated him."
"I knew she wasn't fond of him or the marriage, just from what I picked up in her sarcasm, but this . . ."
"I don't know everything, Jesse," I said. It wasn't a lie. I didn't. "No matter how close you are with someone, you don't know everything" Karen's words and wisdom seemed quite appropriate at the moment.
"I guess not. How are you doing?"
"Okay," I said.
"It's hard for you at school, I bet. Everyone had to know how close you two were."
"Yes." I wondered if he had heard of my mother's argument with Mrs. Bucci at the hospital. I wasn't going to be the one to tell him.
"Well, I wish I was there to help, but . . .
"I'll be fine."
"Listen:' he said, taking on the voice of a big brother, "if she calls you, Zipporah, you let Dad know, okay? Promise?"
"I already have promised him, Jesse."
"Good. You'll be helping her, too. Okay, I'll call you in a few days."
"Don't worry about me," I said. "Just do well in school."
He laughed. "I never thought she was capable of such a thing," he said. "Funny, how you
think someone who's so pretty and so dainty can't be dangerous."
I didn't say anything. The silence was roaring through the phone at both of us.
"Speak to you soon," he said, and hung up.
"Hey," I heard, and looked up the stairway. Karen was standing there, wearing one of my bathrobes. It was the heavier one, a light pink terry cloth. "Who was it?"
"My brother."
"Oh, great. Did he ask about me?"
"Of course, he did:'
"What did you say?"
"I didn't tell him you were here, if that's what you mean."
