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10
Clancy
* * *
When I enter my office after taking a call in the master suite, I find Selena standing at my desk, looking guilting for some reason. It is surprising because I don’t even know that she’s ever even been in my office.
“Hey sweetheart,” I drawl. If she’s in here, maybe she’s planning some kind of sexual roleplay, and I’m definitely willing to clear the rest of my afternoon for that. What’s it going to be? Some type of sexy secretary fantasy, where I’m the big bad boss who gives her a naughty spanking? Or maybe a teacher student scenario that ends with a filthy time out. Whatever it is, I’m game. But when Selena looks up at me, her eyes tell a different story.
“What’s wrong, honey?”
Wordlessly, the beautiful brunette hands me a letter, and my heart falling, I see that it’s the one I received earlier today. It’s a rejection letter from Children’s Hope, telling me that they’ve terminated my adoption application.
“Selena,” I say, “I can explain.” But before I can speak, she sits heavily on a nearby sofa, staring straight ahead although her eyes are blind.
“You were planning on adopting?” she whispers hoarsely. The curvy girl sounds more shocked than angry, and more confused than anything. I nod.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a long time,” I say in a slow voice. “It’s something that I’ve wanted for a while because I’ve always thought of myself as a father. But I’m forty-eight and no longer a spring chicken. Plus, all the women I met were hardly maternal,” I say in a rueful tone. “So about two years ago, I started putting in applications at different agencies.”
Selena gulps, now looking at her hands.
“I had no idea you were thinking about adopting.”
I nod, taking a seat next to her.
“I’m in my late forties, sweetheart. Again, I don’t have all the time in the world, and I don’t want to be too old to play with my kid when they want to run around the park and throw a football, you know? Who wants to be the old dad, whose got a ton of aches and pains?”
She turns to me then.
“Yes, but why didn’t you say anything?”
I pause.
“I guess I’ve just been on this trek for so long,” I say slowly. “Again, this has been an interminable process for me. The first year, I did nothing but sign papers. This year, I’ve had a couple of interviews with various social workers to determine if I’m “fit” for parenting or whatever that means, but as you can see from the letter, they’ve decided that I’m definitely “unfit.” Whatever that means.”
Her eyes are thoughtful.
“But why not?” she asks slowly. “You’re a caring man. A good man, with a wealth of resources, and you’d make a wonderful father. What do they think you’re missing?”
I clench my jaw, not really wanting to admit the true reason to her aloud. But if I lie, Selena will be able to see right through the fib.
“Well, I don’t know exactly,” I begin in a slow voice. “As you can see in the letter, they didn’t set out any specific reasons. But the last time they interviewed me, they asked about anyone I’m seeing, dating-wise,” I explain. “They always ask that question. They always want to know about your romantic life because it’s relevant to what they’re trying to do.”
“And?” Selena asks.
I take a deep breath.
“I had to be honest and tell them that we were together, sweetheart. This is serious stuff, and I thought about lying, but I’m not ready to lie when it comes to something as important as adoption. So I told the social worker that I’ve been seeing you, and that you are in fact the daughter of my deceased wife. Again, they know that I’m a widower, and I also explained that we haven’t been in contact for the last fifteen years. But it seems they didn’t like what they heard.”
Selena’s eyes flash dark with anger and sadness.
“Why?” she demands. “It’s not like you raised me! We hardly even knew each other back then!”
I nod. “I know, sweetheart. I told them that umpteen times, and stressed that we’re not biologically related, but some people just don’t get it. I don’t know. Maybe there are regulations that prevent them from placing a child in a home like ours. Again, I’m not even sure that’s why I was rejected, but the timing seems to suggest it.”
Tears brim in Selena’s eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Clancy,” she whispers in a hoarse voice. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
I take her small hand in my own.
“You couldn’t have known,” I soothe. “No one could have, save for the folks who work at the adoption agency. Not only that, but we didn’t know that there was a “we.” You came back into my life with a bang honey, and neither of us anticipated this.”
