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“And Jason, what did he mean about you choosing me?”
Shit.
Shit!
&
nbsp; “I, hmm…” I cleared my throat, trying to dislodge the giant fucking lump stuck there. “Maybe we should talk about this another time…”
“No, I think we should talk about it now.” She glared at me and I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Nothing about this conversation would end well, not after Jase’s revelation. But she was staring at me with those honey-brown eyes of hers, coaxing all my truths out of me, and I knew I had to confess.
“Sixth grade, when you first moved in with Jase and his dad…”
“I remember. I thought you wanted to be friends with me.” Sadness washed over her.
“I did.” My chest tightened. “I liked you. You were a breath of fresh air, always standing up to Jason and refusing to take his shit. I admired you.”
“What changed?” she said coolly, the bite in her voice turning my blood to ice.
“Jason started to get jealous. He never said anything, but I realized the more I talked to you,”—and I’d talked to her a lot—“the more he taunted you. Right before summer, I called him out on it, and he told me I had to choose. Him or you.”
Hurt flashed over her face. “And you chose him.”
“I know it doesn’t make any sense, Hailee, but I didn’t choose him, I chose you. I saw the way Jason looked at you. He hated you. It was messed up, and I didn’t really understand it, but I knew how cruel he could be. I knew he’d never leave you alone if I admitted the truth.”
“The truth?”
“I liked you. Even back then, when I was too young to understand girls or any of that stuff. I knew you were different. You were the first girl I’d ever wanted to be around, to get to know.”
“You made my life miserable that summer.”
“I know.” Guilt knotted my stomach as the memories washed over me.
We’d spent an entire summer taunting her, playing pranks, stealing her stuff, and making her life a misery. It was like Jason was testing me; making me prove my loyalty. And I’d gone along with it because I hoped if I played his games, he’d eventually back off and leave her alone. But he didn’t. And by the time I realized he wasn’t going to; it was too late. A line had been drawn between us. Hailee one side; Jason, me, and Asher the other. As the years went on, I told myself it was for the best, that admitting how I felt about her would only add fuel to the fire. So I stayed away. I played Jase’s games and somewhere along the way, I even grew to enjoy them. Because provoking her, pushing her to retaliate, was my chance to get a rise out of her, to give me attention.
It was the only way I got to keep a piece of Hailee Raine in my life.
“Am I really supposed to believe, that all this time, you went along with his stupid games because you… liked me?” The doubt in Hailee’s eyes was enough to slay me, but I looked her dead in the eye as I nodded.
“It makes no sense—”
“You’re damn right it doesn’t,” she spat. “We’re not kids, Cameron. This isn’t junior high anymore. This is my life. And it’s all been some big game to you. I’ve been a big game—”
“What?” Panic clawed up my throat. “It hasn’t… that’s not…”
“I need to go.” She turned on her heel and made a beeline for the door, but I rushed over to her, snagging her wrist. “Wait,” I choked out. “We need to talk about this—”
There was too much left unsaid. Too much I needed to try to explain. But when Hailee met my wild gaze again, I saw the defeat in her eyes.
“You know,” she said softly, her flat tone cracking my chest wide open. “I always knew I was right about you. I can’t trust you.” She shrugged me off and fled the room, taking a piece of my broken, bloodied heart with her.
Earlier had been one of the best moments of my life. It hadn’t felt like a betrayal or a game. It had felt real.
Right.
It had felt like a long fucking time coming.
But now, in the harsh light of day, everything had gone to shit. And I couldn’t help but think, I only had myself to blame.
