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'That are on the high seas. We've got boatloads of peas that are on the high seas from Atlanta to Holland to pay for the tulips that were shipped to Geneva to pay for the cheeses that must go to Vienna M.I.F.'
'M.I.F.?'
'Money in Front. The Hapsburgs are shaky.'
' Milo.'
'And don't forget the galvanized zinc in the warehouse at Flint. Four carloads of galvanized zinc from Flint must be flown to the smelters in Damascus by noon of the eighteenth, terms F.O.B. Calcutta two per cent ten days E.O.M. One Messerschmitt full of hemp is due in Belgrade for a C-47 and a half full of those semi-pitted dates we stuck them with from Khartoum. Use the money from the Portuguese anchovies we're selling back to Lisbon to pay for the Egyptian cotton we've got coming back to us from Mamaroneck and to pick up as many oranges as you can in Spain. Always pay cash for naranjas.'
'Naranjas?'
'That's what they call oranges in Spain, and these are Spanish oranges. And--oh, yes. Don't forget Piltdown Man.'
'Piltdown Man?'
'Yes, Piltdown Man. The Smithsonian Institution is not in a position at this time to meet our price for a second Piltdown Man, but they are looking forward to the death of a wealthy and beloved donor and--'
' Milo.'
' France wants all the parsley we can send them, and I think we might as well, because we'll need the francs for the lire for the pfennigs for the dates when they get back. I've also ordered a tremendous shipment of Peruvian balsa wood for distribution to each of the mess halls in the syndicate on a pro rata basis.'
'Balsa wood? What are the mess halls going to do with balsa wood?'
'Good balsa wood isn't so easy to come by these days, Colonel. I just didn't think it was a good idea to pass up the chance to buy it.'
'No, I suppose not,' Colonel Cathcart surmised vaguely with the look of somebody seasick. 'And I assume the price was right.'
'The price,' said Milo, 'was outrageous--positively exorbitant! But since we bought it from one of our own subsidiaries, we were happy to pay it. Look after the hides.'
'The hives?'
'The hides.'
'The hides?'
'The hides. In Buenos Aires. They have to be tanned.'
'Tanned?'
'In Newfoundland. And shipped to Helsinki N.M.I.F. before the spring thaw begins. Everything to Finland goes N.M.I.F. before the spring thaw begins.'
'No Money in Front?' guessed Colonel Cathcart.
'Good, Colonel. You have a gift, sir. And then there's the cork.'
'The cork?'
'That must go to New York, the shoes for Toulouse, the ham for Siam, the nails from Wales, and the tangerines for New Orleans.'
' Milo.'
'We have coals in Newcastle, sir.' Colonel Cathcart threw up his hands. ' Milo, stop!' he cried, almost in tears. 'It's no use. You're just like I am--indispensable!' He pushed his pencil aside and rose to his feet in frantic exasperation. ' Milo, you can't fly sixty-four more missions. You can't even fly one more mission. The whole system would fall apart if anything happened to you.' Milo nodded serenely with complacent gratification. 'Sir, are you forbidding me to fly any more combat missions?'
' Milo, I forbid you to fly any more combat missions,' Colonel Cathcart declared in a tone of stern and inflexible authority.
'But that's not fair, sir,' said Milo. 'What about my record? The other men are getting all the fame and medals and publicity. Why should I be penalized just because I'm doing such a good job as mess officer?'
'No, Milo, it isn't fair. But I don't see anything we can do about it.'
