Page 22 of Catch-22 (Catch-22 1)

'When, sir?'

'I'm asking the questions. You're answering them.'

'Yes, sir. I--'

'Did you think we brought you here to ask questions and for me to answer them?'

'No, sir. I--'

'What did we bring you here for?'

'To answer questions.'

'You're goddam right,' roared the colonel. 'Now suppose you start answering some before I break your goddam head. Just what the hell did you mean, you bastard, when you said we couldn't punish you?'

'I don't think I ever made that statement, sir.'

'Will you speak up, please? I couldn't hear you.'

'Yes, sir. I--'

'Will you speak up, please? He couldn't hear you.'

'Yes, sir. I--'

'Metcalf.'

'Sir?'

'Didn't I tell you to keep your stupid mouth shut?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Then keep your stupid mouth shut when I tell you to keep your stupid mouth shut. Do you understand? Will you speak up, please? I couldn't hear you.'

'Yes, sir. I--'

'Metcalf, is that your foot I'm stepping on?'

'No, sir. It must be Lieutenant Scheisskopf's foot.'

'It isn't my foot,' said Lieutenant Scheisskopf.

'Then maybe it is my foot after all,' said Major Metcalf.

'Move it.'

'Yes, sir. You'll have to move your foot first, colonel. It's on top of mine.'

'Are you telling me to move my foot?'

'No, sir. Oh, no, sir.'

'Then move your foot and keep your stupid mouth shut. Will you speak up, please? I still couldn't hear you.'

'Yes, sir. I said that I didn't say that you couldn't punish me.'

'Just what the hell are you talking about?'

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