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“I'm thankful that you are, to be honest with you. It gives me a chance to properly apologize,” I said. “I know I screwed up, yelling at you like that. You didn't deserve that. Not by any stretch of the imagination. It's just hard dealing with all this crap in my head and having no one – and I mean no one – who wants to get close to me. I feel like I'm completely broken. Toxic. And that maybe people can see that and avoid me like the plague because of it.”
“I want to get close to you, Drew,” she said, reaching out to touch my hand. “That's why I requested the transfer. I knew I couldn't keep seeing you as only a client. Because my interest in you is far from professional.”
I gave her a small smile I hoped didn't look as sad as it felt. “I'd like that – Amelia,” I said. “I really would. I mean, obviously, my interest in you is intensely personal. And maybe I was only fooling myself that we could have both.”
“Well, I can't promise anything,” she said, reaching out to touch my hand. “but I'd like to start from square one with you. I'd like to get to know you better. The real you and not the facade you put up for people. I want to see what's behind that mask, Drew.”
“You don't have to promise me anything,” I said softly, staring at where her hand touched mine. “I just appreciate the company. And as far as see
ing behind the mask – I think you've already seen behind it. And it's a pretty fucked up space.”
She gave me a gentle smile. “It's not all that bad, Drew. I see the good man you are. I can see your good heart. You take great pains to hide it – to hide the real you – but I can see it. And it's what draws me to you.”
I took a drink of my beer and set the glass back down on the table, staring into the deep amber liquid. I wasn't sure what to say. I feared that Amelia felt this way now, but once she started to really get to know me, to really see behind that mask, as she put it, she would end up like everybody else – running for the high ground as fast as she could. That's just what people did with me – they eventually put as much distance between me and them as possible. It was something I'd had to get used to.
“To be honest with you,” she said. “I've been pretty lonely myself lately. Since breaking up with Charlie.”
“So that douche was your ex,” I said, shaking my head. “I kinda figured, but was hoping I was wrong about that. He was just so – douchey.”
She laughed. “Yeah, that he is. But he managed to hide it from me for a long time He's apparently a good actor, what can I say?”
Our eyes met, and in that moment, I couldn't breathe. All I could do was stare into those emerald green eyes and revel in her beauty. She was stunning and yet, didn't seem to understand or even believe that she was. Amelia seemed completely unaware that she was absolutely gorgeous.
“Well, I guess at least with me, you know what you're getting into,” I said softly.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean, you already know going in the door that I'm fucked up in the head.”
She cringed and pulled her hand back, and for a moment, I thought maybe it was because I'd scared her away. But she surprised me by looking into my eyes and giving me a gentle smile.
“You're not fucked up in the head, Drew. If anyone knows that, it's me,” she said. “You've been through a lot. More than most people can even imagine. And some really heavy, traumatic stuff. What happened over there has affected you, but it doesn't have to define you.”
“So it doesn't scare you away?”
“Not at all. I'm here, aren't I?”
AMELIA
“You know, you don't have to come home with me if you don't want to,” he said, looking down at me with a serious look in his eyes. “I don't want you to feel pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with or just don't want to do. It's okay to say so, you know.”
“Hush,” I said, leaning forward and kissing those soft lips of his for the first time since our night together – and they were every bit as delicious now as they had been then. “I wouldn't be coming home with you if I didn't want to. I'm not the type of girl who lets herself get talked into doing things I don't want to do. I make my own decisions, thank you very much.”
The Uber drive pulled to a stop outside of Drew's house, and that's when it clicked. The large house wasn't because he was married or had a family. It was the exact opposite, in fact. He'd lost his family and the only thing he had left was his home. Large and beautiful, but heart-breaking at the same time. Especially since it was just him and his demons.
That was probably why there was a lack of anything sentimental or personal in there. That's why it seemed so sterile and barren. The memories were just too overwhelming for him in that moment. It was sad and really highlighted just how alone in the world he was. It made my heart go out to him.
“You know,” I said with a laugh, “I was so worried you were married or had kids that first night. I thought you were a cheater and I was just your side piece for the night.”
“Nah,” he said, smiling as we walked in together hand-in-hand. “No wife. Never had the time for a relationship before. Not while I was overseas. I never understood how the other guys could manage it, it just seemed too painful to be apart from somebody you cared about for so long.”
“I can imagine,” I said softly. “Being so far away, hardly getting to talk, let alone –”
“And dying,” he added. There was a distant look in his eyes for a moment, then he turned to me and gave me a soft smile before he elaborated. “Mason was going to ask his girlfriend to marry him when he got home. She made him so happy – he practically glowed whenever he mentioned her name. But that obviously, never happened.”
I had no words that could express how terribly sad that was, so instead, I just said, “I'm sorry, Drew.”
He sighed as he opened his front door. “It is what it is,” he said. “Carrie eventually moved on. Last I heard, she was engaged to a banker or a lawyer or something. Somebody who wasn't getting deployed to shithole countries where they get shot at day in and day out – guys who probably had a really minimal risk of dying in an IED explosion.”
