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My throat feels congested. “Why do you believe him?”
“Because he's a broken man. He's not the cocky, arrogant sod I first met, and he's not that angry ex-soldier either. He's just a middle-aged man who's desperately sorry for the things he's done, and he wants to find a way to make up for it.”
“He wants atonement?” I ask, softly.
“Something like that.”
I run my finger around the top of my glass. “But why now?”
Mum shrugs, and her robe slips down from her shoulder. “He broke up with his wife and flew back to England after years of being away. I think the things he did are coming back to him, making him feel ashamed. I honestly think he's sorry for it all. Now he wants to meet his only child.”
That's when it finally hits me. This man is part of me, my flesh and blood, the reason I'm alive. Regardless of his actions, he's still replicated in every cell I have.
He's my dad.
“What's his name?” I ask. “His real name, I mean.”
“Douglas Bolt. Doug. That's why he's called Digger, you know, like a spade.”
“Douglas.” I test it out loud. Then I think of saying “dad”, but can't voice it out loud. It feels too alien.
“He's changed,” she repeats. “He really has. You don't have to meet him here, it can be in public, anywhere you feel safe. I can be there too, if you like.”
“Okay,” I say, wavering. “I'll meet him, but I can't promise anything else.”
Her fingers wrap around mine, squeezing tightly. “That's all he wants,” she says.
I hope she's right.
* * *
“No fucking way.” Alex stomps across his living room, scowling. “You're not meeting him and that's final.”
Lara touches his arm, but he twists from her grasp. I haven't seen him this furious in a long while. Although I like this daddy-bear side to him, and the protectiveness he’s showing, the fact he's making decisions on my behalf is also extremely irritating.
“I'm meeting him at the café near work,” I tell Alex. “It’ll be the middle of the day, we'll be surrounded by people, what can possibly happen?”
“You're so fucking naive, Amy,” Alex shouts, coming to a stop in front of me. His muscles vibrate with anger. “People get killed in broad daylight. Kids get abducted, guys get beaten up. Digger's a fucking psychopath. He crushed your bones with his bare hands. There's no way he's coming near you.”
“I want to meet him,” I say quietly. “He's my dad, Alex.”
“He's a bloody sperm donor, not your dad. Just one in a queue of men mum opened her legs for. Are you really going to believe her when she's told so many lies? For fucks sake...”
I open my mouth then shut it again, any words stolen by shock. Alex never talks like this—at least in front of me—and it’s like a slap in the face.
“Alex.” Lara's voice is low. “Calm down. You're overreacting.”
“Overreacting?” He laughs mirthlessly. “I was eight years old when I watched that man crack her bones. I heard it, Lara, heard her wrist break, heard the way she screamed. I'll never fucking forget it.” Tears fill his eyes, and he wipes them away furiously. “And now you want me to be okay with this?”
Lara reaches out again. This time, he doesn't shrug her off. It doesn't calm him, though. He's still as tense as a big cat ready to pounce.
“But this isn't about you. It's about Amy, and what she wants.”
“She doesn't know what she wants.” He faces me. “If you knew what a devious bastard he was you wouldn't do this.”
“He's my dad.”
“Fucking hell!” Alex kicks out at the wall, his boot crashing into the plaster. Flakes of paint stick to the black leather as he pulls his leg away, leaving a dent behind.
