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Having grown up the bad kid, I’d set the stage for her life. I’d never gotten along with my mom, Jeannie, and I was such a nightmare that when I was ten, she gave birth to Holland and raised her to be her perfect do-over child who was quiet and docile and basically everything I wasn’t. Since I was deemed a lost cause, I got to run free throughout my childhood and adolescence while Holland was just about chained to the house. She basically lived the life of a human doll with Mom dictating the way she dressed, controlling her every move and isolating her from friends—all because she couldn’t let “another Adam” happen again.
So… yeah.
Thankfully, my sister was smart enough to plot her escape by working secret jobs while commuting from home to college every day, eventually saving up enough money to move out upon graduating college last year. Of course, she didn’t tell anyone but AJ and me till about twelve hours before leaving.
And needless to say, our mom didn’t take it too well.
If she was crazy when I was growing up, this incident had her fully unhinged. Unable to put any other spin on her abusive ways. She made everything from harassing phone calls to threats and eight months later, she was still bothering everyone she could to get in contact with her precious baby Holland, and while Holland and I both had her number blocked, she did occasionally break my dad down enough to make him do her bidding.
Which sucked.
A lot. Because I did love my dad. Our relationship was as good as it could be, given the way I grew up, and all I wished was for him to leave. To just cut off contact like Holland and I did. But because he wouldn’t, Holland and I were never going to get a clean break from our mother.
A complicated situation for sure, but it was basically background drama that we lived with every day. It was by no means ideal, but we didn’t let it disrupt our lives. Of course, there were exceptions on the days that Jeannie was “in a tizzy” as Holland called it, or when she actually managed to make contact.
“Anyway, no biggie. I just wanted to warn you in case Dad calls today. I said I wouldn’t text Mom, so he’s probably going to try to get you to convince me. But you know how he is,” Holland said breezily, referring to the fact that my dad generally respected our boundaries. Only on occasion did he cave to his wife, but rarely ever for more than a day.
“Yeah, I know. But thank you for the heads up,” I said as I sat up in bed. It was on days like these that I was especially grateful for my best friend. As much as I thought about Holland and worried about her, it wasn’t anywhere near as much these days since she had Iain, and I knew he’d never let anything hurt her. “So. How’s the workaholic?” I asked with a grin.
“Iain? He’s good. He’s taken the weekend off three weeks in a row,” Holland said with audible pride that made me laugh, because I knew she was the sole reason behind my best friend’s new interest in not living at the office. “But hey, speaking of work, what… the hell is going on with you and AJ?”
The sudden shift in her tone made my pulse jump. “What do you mean?” I asked, on edge for a second.
“I mean are you guys bickering or something? She called before and sounded more annoyed than usual at the mention of you,” she said as I laughed and let go of the breath I was apparently holding. “Are you torturing her more than usual this week? I know you’re making her come into work today. Not cool.”
“Look, things are busy this week, so it can’t be helped. But I assure you I haven’t been torturing her,” I said, though I had to give a bit of a wince at my own answer, because it wasn’t entirely true. I’d been torturing AJ plenty this week, in ways I never had before.
In fairness though, she’d been giving it right back.
“Fine,” Holland said with a huff. “But you better not be, Adam, because it’s always been my greatest fear that someday you’ll legit piss her off enough to drive her away.”
“Really? Of all the things in this crazy-ass world, that’s your greatest fear?”
Holland laughed. “Yes! But in my defense, it’s because you basically ignored me before she came along.”
“Ouch,” I said playfully, though it was actually a pretty genuine ouch. “Ignored you? Come on. I wasn’t the most protective older brother, but I could never ignore you.”
“Adam. Iain was the only reason you talked to me when you guys came home for the holidays, and then once you guys weren’t living together anymore, it was radio silence for… awhile. Basically till AJ was hired. But even then, I had to wait six months before she had enough influence on you to make you call me back sometimes.”
Holland’s tone was still light and playful, which was something I wanted to take comfort in, but it was hard with this subject. I knew I’d been an absent brother to Holland. Aside from the fact that my mom was fiercely possessive of her, she was eight years old when I moved to California and never looked back. Most days, when I wanted to be able to live with myself, I chalked up the lost years of our relationship to those two reasons.
But on other days, when I was forced to really think about it, I knew I could’ve done more to be there for her. But I had trained myself to be distant. Growing up, my circumstances had forced me to wire my brain all wrong.
&nbs
p; And I was still working these days to get it right.
“Um. Adam?” Holland said, breaking what I realized was a good five or six-second silence. “I totally didn’t say that to upset you. Did I? I only brought it up because I’m just extra grateful for you two since I moved out. Mom is Mom, and I was never close to Dad, so it’s like…” Holland trailed off, her voice getting quiet and sheepish in the way that always reminded me of when she was a kid.
“It’s like AJ and I are your surrogate parents now?” I teased, making her snort.
“No! But also kind of. It’s like you and AJ are the closest family I have left. How about that?”
“Definitely better. Less creepy.”
Holland laughed and for the last few minutes of our conversation, I got to talk to her about work, her promotion and the new location of Minx opening up in Los Angeles in a few weeks, which would mean her visiting for the first time in several months. And when we finally did hang up, I had a smile on my face the way I generally did after talking to my sister on the phone.
Of course, I had the usual guilt as well, and it was bigger than ever today—mostly because I’d been the one urging Holland to cut off Mom for years. To make this good but admittedly extreme decision to leave behind the closest family she had. I’d assured her everything would be fine. That we’d be here to take care of anything she needed after.
