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Chapter 12
I HAVE MOST OF THE NEXT SHOOTING DAY OFF,since it’s mainly dedicated to getting Minjee caught up with everything. On one hand, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with the chaos of everyone trying to naturally fit Minjee’s character into the show—the call sheet for today was amess—but on the other, I feel restless. I’m constantly getting up from my desk to pace around the apartment.
It’s Christmas Eve, and Mom has decorations set up in our living room. Our ceiling is too low for a real Christmas tree, but we have a cute fake one set up by our TV. Gold tinsel and round ornaments painted with all nine of Santa’s reindeer adorn the tree, and I mournfully stare at Rudolph’s face as I think about my current situation.
I hate to admit it, but I’m scared. What if I get left behind on the show?
It’s probably just FOMO, I think to myself.Stop being so paranoid.
Sophia seems to agree when I tell her what’s going on over the phone.
“Just concentrate on your studies for now,” she says. “Think of today as a much-needed break from the industry. Get a lot of schoolwork done so you can focus on the show when you need to be on set.”
“And when I finish with my work?”
Sophia laughs. “Hana, you’re still a kid! Play games on your phone. Watch a K-drama. Read a webtoon... or whatever it is teens do these days. Don’t let this industry completely suck up what’s left of your childhood. And try to relax. Financially, we’re fine. You’re still billed as lead actress. As far as I know, your character isn’t in any danger of being cut from the show. Just keep trying your best, okay?”
I sigh quietly, wishing it were that easy to dispel my fears. “Okay.”
Eventually, I manage to focus on my work long enough to finish a decent amount. But hours later, when I’m waiting on set after being done with hair and makeup, I’m tense, my skin buzzing with nerves as I watch everyone run around. We’re behind schedule again, so I have to stand behind the camera and watch as Minjee and Bryan hold hands, acting like a couple.
That two-timing player, I think, suddenly furious at Hyun on Sora’s behalf. It’s always frustrating when a K-drama character ends up being a complete lowlife, and it feels a lot worsewhen you know that the character wasn’t originally written to be such a jerk in the first place.
Dread builds up inside me as I wonder how the audiences back home will react to the turn of events. Will they really be more engaged and caught up in all the drama when Hyun gets himself caught in a love triangle? Or will they end up being disappointed in him like I am? It’s such a huge gamble that I’m surprised the higher-ups decided to go through with this plan.
Hopefully they made the right choice, I think.
The entire dynamic of the set feels different, from the way the director addresses us to the way that the other crew members interact with each other.
Stop being so psyched out.I take a deep breath to calm myself down.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t let Sora be left behind. And by the time it’s finally my turn to be in front of the camera, I’m filled with a calm resolve.
“Wow, how long did they keep you waiting?” Bryan asks me before the camera starts rolling.
I shrug. “Not long. I got a lot of studying done back at home before I came.”
Bryan raises his eyebrows at me, but he doesn’t say anything.
“All right, we’re ready!” announces Director Cha. “Actors, your places.”
The scene we’re about to film is pretty dramatic, since it’sthe confrontation scene where Hyun finally gets Sora to admit that she remembers the past like he does.
The moment the camera starts rolling, Bryan, in character, grabs my hand as I turn away. It’s the classic backward K-drama hand-grab, one of those clichés that everyone loves to hate but can’t resist wishing it’d happen to them in real life. I try my best not to laugh at how cheesy it is.
“Sora,” he says. “Just now, the way you looked at me. You remember, don’t you?”
The camera focuses on my face. I squeeze my eyes shut, like I really do feel the weight of four centuries pressing down on me. Crying on command is a skill I picked up from one of my theater classes at school, and I’m practically buzzing at the chance to finally put it to use on a show. Some actresses use fake tears—and sometimes, when it’s been multiple takes, fake tears are unavoidable—but I’m determined to genuinely cry for at least the first few tries.
My teacher explained that the trick was to imagine all the things in your life that make you sad and play them one after another in a rapid montage in your head. And that’s exactly what I do. I think about everything from the long hours that my parents work just so we can keep living here to how lonely and out of place I felt when I first moved to Korea and could barely keep up in my classes. The laughing faces of kids who picked on my “weird” accent—back when I still had one—swim around in my thoughts. And so does the empty dining room table where my parents and I used to have dinner everyday together back in the States.
My life in Korea has been far from easy, but whatreallypunches me in the gut is the possibility that all this could have been fornothing. That, even after several years of trying our best to make it here, my parents and I might have to pack our bags and go back to the States like nothing happened.
Tears trickle down and onto my cheeks.
Bingo.
Bryan looks genuinely taken aback at the fact that I’m actually crying. The rest of the set is entirely silent. Everyone’s watching us.
