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“Ssi” is a formal Korean honorific that I hear on a daily basis from people who don’t know me well. Sophia normally doesn’t use it with me, so the fact that she’s using it with me now can only mean one thing: she’spissed.
“Yeah,” I say. “Sorry.”
Sophia and Ms. Ahn continue discussing terms, and no matter how much I try to keep up, most of it goes over my head. My least favorite part of working in the entertainment industry is the legal negotiations, and this is no exception. And the fact that all these laws are in the context of Korean society makes it all the more confusing to me. Luckily, I’d trust Sophia with my life if it ever came down to it.
When they’re finally done, Sophia and Ms. Ahn shake hands. Then, Bryan and I shake hands. I’m surprised when I feel that Bryan’s hands are just as cold and clammy as mine. Even though today was supposed to be a peaceful meeting, it feels like we just declared war on each other.
“Okay, then,jagiya,” Bryan says, calling me the Koreanword for “darling” in the world’s cheekiest voice. “Are you ready to do this?”
Two can play at this game, I think. I link my arm with Bryan’s and give him a bright, wide grin.
“More than ready,” I say with a wink.
Bryan blinks, and then, just as quickly, he recovers. He flashes his perfect, K-pop prince smile as he walks me out of the room.
“Well, then, I’m looking forward to our first date.”
By the time I get home that night, I fall into bed, absolutely exhausted. Laying out the terms with Bryan before the shoot today threw off the vibe between us so much that each scene took twice as long as it normally does. We only finished a few scenes by the end of the shooting day, putting us way behind schedule. Director Cha was furious.
“You kids were fine before!” he kept yelling. “What happened?”
Ask Mr. Kim!I wanted to yell back. But I didn’t, for obvious reasons. To minimize the chances of the general public finding out that Bryan’s and my “relationship” is fake, both our teams agreed to keep it a secret from the rest of the cast and crew. Film sets are full of gossip already. And gossip almost always leads to press leaks in our very small industry.
I startle awake when there’s a knock on the door. I must have fallen asleep.
“Come in!” I groggily say.
Mom comes into my room with a plate of neatly sliced persimmons.
Knocking isn’t really a thing in most Korean households, but it’s something my family started doing in America and never stopped. I’m glad we didn’t because I value my privacy a lot, even within my own family.
“Rough day on set?” Mom asks when she sees my face.
“Kind of.” I almost tell her what’s going on between Bryan and me but catch myself before I spill. I have no idea how my parents will react to the fake-dating thing. On one hand, I know I should tell them since they’ll find out about us “dating” eventually when the news is broadcasted and shared all over the world. But on the other hand, I’m tired and this is a conversation I don’t want to have right now.
Even though I felt mostly sure about at least trying out the plan when I agreed to the whole scheme, the more I think about it, the more I feel uneasy about everything. IthoughtI was making the best choice at the time, but what if I just fell victim to peer pressure and this plan is a very bad idea?
It’s enough that I have so many mixed feelings about everything. I don’t want to also deal with however Mom responds to it just yet. I settle on a half-truth. “The first two episodes didn’t perform as well as we’d hoped, so we’re scrambling to figure out ways to boost those ratings.”
Mom frowns in a way that I know all too well. It’s the expression she has whenever she’s thinking “I told you so” but is too nice to say anything.
“Yeah, you and Appa were right,” I admit. “I guess our show doesn’t stand out enough after all.”
“Well, it’s only the beginning, honey. I’m sure you can make up for it.”
“Hopefully.”
Mom gives me a gentle pat on the back.
“I—” I falter, and then forge through. “I overheard you and Appa talking about looking for jobs in America. About how hard it is for you guys here.”
Mom’s face falls, just a tiny bit, before she re-collects herself. She gives me a reassuring smile. “Nothing is decided yet. Your dad and I are just looking at our options. And this is all for the worst-case scenario, which won’t happen! So don’t worry. The show just started, honey. You’re so smart and talented! I know you’ll figure out a way to make this work.”
Long after she’s gone, I lie in bed in the darkness of my room. Although I always knew that moving back to the US was a possibility, panic and desperation threaten to overwhelm me at the thought.
When I first came to Korea, I missed the quiet peace of Florida beaches and the gentle swaying of giant palm trees. Korea just seemed so loud and crowded and overwhelming. But now, I can’t imagine life without the bustling outdoor markets and colorful, busker-filled streets. I can’t imagine what things will be like without hectic but sometimes also really magical K-drama sets or the music-and-passion-filled halls of my performing arts school.
Plus, it’s unlikely that my parents will let me keep pursuing an acting career if I fail here. And then what’ll I do? What will my life even be like without acting?
That’s when I make up my mind. I’m going to do everything in my power to make our show succeed. Even if that means convincing the world I’m dating Bryan Yoon.
As if pretending to like him on-screen wasn’t enough!
I let out a loud groan and pull the comforter over my head.
