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“Because our minds are so much more powerful than we care to admit.” Yeah, just how yours can’t stop thinking about Ethan, huh, Amelia? “By talking about it, remembering a time when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, and recalling sexual moments between you two, you’re going to reactivate that part of your brain. And it will give you time to think about it.”
“What if we get so turned on that we want to have sex?” Melissa asks now, hope in her voice.
“Then give in to that need, like I said, as long as you’re both in that space. Believe me, I want you to have sex, but only if it feels organic. If not, just talk, and experience intimacy without being intimate. Sometimes we forget that all the things that come before sex are just as important as the act itself.”
Like business wars as an act of foreplay.
John nods reluctantly. “Talking…about sex?”
“Yes. And I know it can feel awkward at first, but being able to talk about it makes the act that much more enjoyable. And John? Please get those shots regularly as soon as possible. I promise you will feel a difference in your energy and libido.”
“I got one dose the other day, but the doctor said it can take a few weeks for things to kick in.”
“That’s correct, but I’m so glad you’re open to trying this.”
“Thank you, Dr. St. Clair.” Melissa rushes across the room to hug me.
“You’re welcome.”
We spend the rest of the time working on other issues, and by the end of the session, both John and Melissa look more at ease.
That’s why I do what I do. Being able to help people feel lighter, feel normal—it’s the power of therapy. To know that you’re not crazy, that your thoughts are validated, that the emotions that feel insurmountable at times can be named and have a purpose, and can be used in a healthy way.
And helping people achieve that with their partners is the icing on the cake.
After lunch, a client that I’ve been seeing for almost a year now comes in.
“Georgiana. It’s so good to see you.”
“You too, Dr. St. Clair.”
I wait for her to settle into the couch and then read her energy before speaking. Her shoulders aren’t drawn up, her skin looks clear, and I can almost see a smile on her face. “You look happy, Georgiana.”
That hint of a smile builds. “I am. I…I met someone.”
Georgiana attends UCLA, my alma mater, and came to see me shortly after she was raped by the boyfriend of one of her close friends. Not only did her friend not believe her after the fact, but the guy and girl proceeded to tell everyone that she came onto him. It has been a rollercoaster helping her work through the betrayal, intimacy issues, and trauma. But today it looks like we’re making progress.
“I’m glad to hear that, although remember there is no timeline for how fast you need to move forward.”
“I know, but he’s in one of my upper division writing classes, so we bonded over our love of classic literature and have been spending a lot of time getting to know each other.”
“Okay,” I reply optimistically. “Continue…”
Georgiana proceeds to tell me about how much time they’ve been spending together, how he makes her feel safe, and how she feels he may be the guy she could move on with physically.
“That is a big step to take.”
“I know. And I know I can change my mind at any time…”
“Yes, you can. Just because you feel ready one minute doesn’t mean you can’t have a change of heart in the next. And if he doesn’t understand that, then he’s not the right person.”
“I told him what happened,” she confesses, which is huge for her progress.
“And how did he react?”
“He hugged me, held me, and apologized that I ever had to go through something like that.”
I smile, relieved that there are still good men out in the world. “He sounds like a genuinely good guy.”
“He is. I know it’s early, but I just wanted to say that I haven’t felt this strong in almost a year, Dr. St. Clair. And that’s all because of you.”
Tears threaten to build, but I hold them back. It’s not that I don’t think I shouldn’t be allowed to show emotion in front of my clients, but I like to keep the sessions about them. “No, that’s because of you, Georgiana. You’ve put in the work. You’re the one moving forward and working to overcome that experience. You’re not letting the experience control you anymore, and that’s the most powerful part of your strength.”
When the session ends, I decide to walk with her outside to get some sunshine and fresh air.
“Thank you again.” She wipes away a few tears from under her eyes. “I’ll see you in two weeks.” She pulls me in for a hug, and I have no problem giving that to her. Hell, I hug any client that needs it. The power of human touch is incredible and a highly underutilized antidepressant.
“See you then. Good luck, and remember to take things slow and make sure they feel right.”
I watch her walk away, more than proud of how much she has grown since she walked into my office, scared, alone, and lacking confidence. But then a voice over my shoulder breaks through my moment.
“I didn’t realize you made your clients pay for hugs.”
