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“But my gut tells me you’re letting your fear rule your decisions right now, and I might know a thing or two about that,” my mother adds softly before leaning down so only I can hear her. “Remember how scared I was when your father and I separated, how terrifying it was that I had to tell him what I wanted, that so many aspects of our marriage had fallen by the wayside, and it was no one’s fault but our own? We grew complacent, Amelia—our sex life, our friendship—it all became so stagnant that one day we didn’t realize how far apart we’d grown. And if we had just talked about what we needed and were feeling years before that point, we never would have separated in the first place.” I stare up at her as my bottom lip starts to tremble. “But Ethan is here. He wants to talk to you, he wants to resolve your issues, and that’s something you shouldn’t ignore. So, take a piece of advice from me and hear him out. Wouldn’t you advise your clients to do the same?”
Everyone grows fuzzy as moisture builds in my eyes, and I feel my eyelids grow heavy. “Okay.” And then a collective sigh fills the room. “I do feel like I’m about to pass out again though.”
“That’s okay. I’ll let him in, and then everyone can go grab something to eat since I just heard your brother’s stomach rumbling,” my mother teases.
Nick throws his hands up in defense. “I’m starving, which is making me more angry, but I can use that aggression to rough Ethan up a little bit more if you want me to before I leave?”
Chuckling, I close my eyes and then shake my head. “No. That’s okay. You can let him in. Thank you, you guys.”
My friends take turns kissing my forehead.
“Anything for you, Amelia Be Delia. You are one strong fucking woman, and I love you for it, but this has gone on long enough.”
If you’re lucky in life, really lucky, you get blessed with friends like these girls. I heard a metaphor once that sums up our friendship perfectly, and it comes rushing back to me at this moment.
Be the type of friend that’s like the roots on a tree.
Don’t be a leaf that blows away when a strong breeze passes through, the type of friend that is only there when it’s suitable for you and then leaves when the seasons change.
Don’t be the branch that snaps when you least expect it, catching the person off guard when, all of a sudden, you’re no longer there.
Be the roots. Be the reason that tree survives, the reason why that tree stands and can live and thrive and have the strength to withstand every season and storm in its life.
My girls are my roots, and I know that I would not have survived the past month without them.
Penelope winks at me when I open my eyes long enough to see her open the door and motion for Ethan to come in.
And when he appears in the doorway, the crack in my heart bursts wide open.
His demeanor is almost manic—hair sticking up in every direction, bloodshot eyes, shirt sleeves rolled up, his shirt untucked, and every line in his face etched with worry.
“Fucking hell.” He sets down a plastic bag on a chair and rushes toward the bed, leaning over me and pressing his lips to my forehead, and I can feel his body shaking as he reaches out to touch me. “Jesus Christ, Amelia. Are you okay?” His hands tremble as he cups the side of my face.
“I’m a little broken, but it’s nothing that can’t heal.”
“I’m broken too, baby. Fuck, you have no idea how shattered I feel right now.”
“We’re going to leave you guys alone,” my mother whispers as she’s the last one out of the room.
“I’m tired, Ethan. They gave me drugs.” My eyes fall closed again, and then the drugs begin to pull me back under. I vaguely hear the screech of a chair as Ethan pulls one close to the bed and takes a seat, reaching for my hands and holding them in his own close to his lips.
“Sleep, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I love you,” I whisper as everything goes black. And even though I know we’re not in a place to say that again, it’s the truth. I can’t deny it, and having him here only reminds me of how strongly I feel for him and how fragile life is.
My friends and family were right. I do want him in my life, and it’s time to stop fighting it. If I were a client, I would ask myself point blank what I wanted, and my answer would be him and Oliver, irrevocably. So it’s time to start fighting for what I want. It’s not going to be easy, but I know in my gut that it will be worth it.
“I love you too, Amelia. So fucking much,” he chokes out on a sob, and the shaking of his body as he lays his head on my hands and cries is the last thing I remember before I fall asleep again.
* * *
When I open my eyes after an unknown length of time, the entire hospital room is dark except for the lamp on the table next to my bed illuminating the space.
I blink a few times and then turn my head to see Ethan still holding my hands with one of his, staring up at me as if he were waiting for me to wake up, his chin resting in his other palm.
“Hi.”
“Hey, beautiful.” He presses a kiss to my hands and then sits up taller in his chair. “Do you want some water?”
“Sure.”
He reaches for the cup and brings the straw to my mouth. I take down a few large gulps, welcoming the liquid as it edges off the scratchiness of my throat. “How long was I asleep?”
Reaching into his pocket, he checks his phone. “About an hour and a half.”
“And where is everybody?”
“They went to eat dinner. The girls said they might stop by to say goodnight, but if not, they would for sure be back in the morning. But your mother and Nick insisted they’d return tonight with your dad.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“How are you feeling?”
As soon as he asks, my eyes cloud with tears. “I’m feeling a lot right now, so I can’t give you a clear-cut answer to that question.”
“Fuck. I understand that completely.” He kisses my hand again. “Amelia, baby, I love you so much, and there’s so much I need to say to you.”
“I love you too, Ethan. But…”
He presses a finger to my lips. “Let me talk, okay?”
I nod, and then he removes his finger. “Okay.”
He takes a deep breath and then sits up again. “Knowing you were hurt, that something could have happened to you, and I would never have had the chance to tell you what you mean to me, made me realize even more that I don’t want to live a life without you in it. I’m not saying I won’t mess this up. I’m not saying things between us will be perfect. But what I am saying is that I want a life with you. I want everything with you. I would be willing to put my heart on the line again as long as you’re the one I’m giving it to.”
