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She doesn’t say anything.
“I get it. It will be a little difficult to explain my presence.”
“No, it’s not that. Well, at least, it’s not all that.”
“Have you seen them since you were rescued?”
“Actually, I haven’t.”
I can’t help it. I lift my eyebrows. “Why not?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Honey, life is rarely easy.”
I hate myself as soon as I say the words.
My life sure as hell hasn’t been easy, but that doesn’t negate the fact hers has been truly hellacious. I need to stop thinking that everyone has had it better than I have, because it’s not true.
I joined the SEALs. I knew what might await me, and I went in headfirst. I was all ego—all ego that eventually got shattered.
This woman though? She was a championship volleyball player. She didn’t ask for what she got.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“For what?”
“I didn’t mean to make light of… Well, you know.”
“It’s okay.”
“Do your parents know what you’ve been through?”
“They know.”
“And they haven’t wanted to see you?”
“Oh, they have. I’m the one that put the kibosh on it. I didn’t want to see them. But it’s not what you think.”
“I’m not thinking anything, Aspen.”
“Aren’t you? You not thinking I’m some kind of spoiled little brat who’s decided she doesn’t need her parents?”
“God, no. I don’t have any preconceived notions about you. I’m just really sorry you’ve been through so much.”
She draws in a deep breath, shakes her head. “I don’t want you to be sorry for me.”
“Okay.”
“I’m serious. You don’t know what it’s like. Having everyone pity you for what you went through.”
“Actually, honey, I know exactly what that’s like.” No lie there. It sucks.
She turns then. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that she’s staring at me, wondering what I’ve been through.
I’m not about to enlighten her. No more than she’s going to enlighten me about what she’s been through.
The difference is that I know what happened on that island. I’ve got a pretty good idea of what she’s been through, and it’s not pretty. Far from it. It’s fucking hideous.
She, however, doesn’t know my past. She doesn’t know the horrors I’ve seen, the horrors I’ve endured.
Best to keep it that way, for both our sakes.
“There is someone I need to see,” she says.
“Whatever you need. Just give me her name.”
“His name,” she says. “Brandon Page. He was… He was my fiancé.”
4
ASPEN
I haven’t been in touch with Brandon, and I asked my parents not to contact him. Whether they abided by my wishes I have no idea. I wouldn’t put it past my mother to talk to him without my permission. It’s kind of her thing. She loved Brandon. Heck, I’m pretty sure she loved him more than she loved me. Okay, that’s not true, but she loved him as much as she loved me for sure.
Brandon and I…
At the time, I thought he was the love of my life.
When I was taken, I was sure he’d come for me.
I was wrong.
I don’t fault him. No one could have found me. I know that now. But I had to erase him from my mind. I had to forgive him for not coming for me.
To make it through, I had to rely on myself and myself only.
No Brandon.
No teammates.
No one.
No one but Aspen.
No one but Garnet.
They called me Garnet because of a cherry angioma birthmark on the top of my left breast. It was an unwritten rule on the island that none of the men mar that mark—that mark that made me Garnet.
It never bothered me. It’s not huge or anything, about the size of a pea.
But now? I’ll be getting rid of it as soon as I can. Cherry angiomas are benign, but I’m going to have it excised from my body.
I want no memory of Garnet.
I want no memory of that island.
Already, I’ve begun to forget. It’s like I’ve willed it.
The nightmares still come. The only difference is that I don’t remember them when I wake up. But I don’t need to remember to know what they were.
The feelings are the same.
The dread, the horror. The pure fright.
My body knows. My body remembers even if my mind does not.
I’ll go back to Manhattan eventually. Back to group. Back to private sessions with Macy, our therapist.
But I need Colorado.
I need the open air.
I need the mountains.
I need to see Brandon.
I need to find out if he still wants me.
Do I want him?
I wish I knew.
I’m hoping that seeing him will spur some kind of emotion in me. Because right now? I’m totally devoid of emotion.
I’m an empty shell.
My body may have tingled slightly—and I mean slightly—at the sight of Buck Moreno, but it was only my body.
I felt nothing emotionally. Absolutely nothing.
And frankly?
That scares me more than the worst night on that damned island.
5
BUCK
“A fiancé?” I say.
She clears her throat. “Yes.”
“And you haven’t spoken to him?”
