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He jerks like I reached out and struck him. “What?”
“Get out. I can’t stand looking at you right now.” It hurts too much. I suspected things with us would eventually reach some kind of conclusion, but not like this. Never like this. I thought we had more time. This isn’t the end, not yet, but it’s the first sign of it. I need time to process, and I can’t do that with him near me.
For the first time since he walked through my door, he actually looks worried. “We need to talk about tomorrow.” An excuse and we both know it.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Ajax wants an alliance.”
I shrug. “We predicted that. It doesn’t mean anything has changed about our plans.” It’s even the truth. Nothing has changed. I will still follow Achilles into the underworld and damn myself in the process. It’s always been that way with us. Maybe if I were a better person, a stronger person, I would cut ties now before things spiral fully out of control and he tosses my heart into a meat grinder. He would never harm me on purpose, but he’s careless. He’s always so fucking careless with other people.
I’m not a better person. I’m certainly not strong enough to walk away from him, no matter how painful the future is destined to be. I just…can’t look at him right now. “Go.”
He doesn’t move. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t believe you.” If I let him, he’ll hug me and promise never to do it again, but I can’t stand the thought of him lying to me, even unintentionally. One of the things I love most about this man is that I never have to guess where I stand with him. He speaks his truth, even when it might be hurtful. A small price to pay for that clarity.
Right now, nothing feels clear. He might intend to never touch Helen again, but he never intended to touch her in the first place, and look where that’s gotten us. “Go, Achilles. Please.”
He finally nods and walks to the door. Achilles isn’t one to run from a fight; it took years before he realized that trying to hash issues out all at once instead of giving me time to process is a surefire way to escalate things. It still feels fucking terrible to watch him walk out of my rooms and close the door softly behind him.
A premonition, a vision into our future.
Someday, Achilles will walk away from me, and that time, he’ll never return.
I move to the door and flip the lock. I’m not in the mood for company right now, not that anyone is going to seek me out the night before the first trial. I pace around my living room, too agitated to sit down. Achilles didn’t cheat on me. That’s not what we’re about. But it still feels like a betrayal. I can’t parse out my feelings properly. There’s anger and hurt, yes, but also a thread of guilt.
I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t have done the same damn thing if the opportunity came my way first.
There’s something about Helen that gets all my wires crossed. It’s not just that she’s beautiful, though she is. It’s not that once, a very long time ago, she saved me from a bully. It’s not even the cunning mind she’s given me glimpses of during our handful of conversations. It’s the strange vulnerability that crept into her amber eyes the first night and then again when she was on the treadmill, obviously trying to outrun something in her head. The woman is a puzzle, and I know myself well enough to recognize that I am weak for a puzzle.
Most people act in ways I can anticipate, even if it’s illogical. Humans are driven by basic urges, even when they’re playing political games. Everyone wants something, and once I figure out what it is, it’s easy enough to see ten, twenty, thirty steps ahead.
I can’t figure out Helen’s purpose for becoming a champion. She has power, influence, more money than most people can spend in a lifetime. She’s savvy enough not to balk at a political marriage; she’ll have been prepared to navigate it from the moment she became an adult. Is she just another power-hungry Kasios making a grab for a title? Or is this all a rebellious act to stick it to her brother? Neither of those answers feels quite right.
Helen being a puzzle aside, the physical attraction I feel for her is downright uncanny. I have no idea what Achilles saw when I had her on the floor, but I’m all too ready to admit that I was far closer than I needed to be, that my body had gotten the better of me even if neither of us commented on it. And the way she kept looking at my mouth…
