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Chapter 12
Natasha
I wrenched my hand back, but I realized I ought to be polite about it, so I smiled up at him.
“Great weather, lately, isn’t it?” I resorted to the old British fallback of talking about the weather to avoid any awkward silences. Did they do that in space? I guessed I was about to find out.
“Indeed, it has been perfectly clement. The perfect moment for two people to come together...” His hand touched my waist, sliding down over my hip until he reached my leg.
“Oh, I just saw my friend over there. I must go. Great to meet you. Bye!” I turned and hurried away, not daring to look back in case he was looking this way. I hoped I could dissuade him from bothering me any more.
An alpha with a red shirt seemed like an unlikely target, so I dodged around him, making a mental note to speak with him if I ran out of betas and still hadn’t found my contact. Ugh. It sounded so straightforward on paper to find someone wearing a red shirt but in reality, no one else had got the memonotto wear the same color. It wasn’t the most popular color of attire—that was black—but it certainly wasn’t obscure.
Another male beta wearing a red shirt was taking a drink from a waiter. He swayed a little and seemed drunk. I didn’t know if the stuff everyone was drinking was alcohol the way I understood it on Earth, or some weird space chemistry drink, but it was having a similar effect on him to what I’d seen when older men had one too many whiskies on Earth.
“You know, you know, you know... see, the thing is, you know, the thing—the thing is, see...” He waved his empty hand to punctuate his point. The waiter gave him a respectful nod then hurried off to circulate while there were any drinks left on the tray. I didn’t particularly want to talk to the drunk guy if I didn’t have to. Even if it was an act. Drunks were notorious for not making any sense at all. He might not even recognize the password. So I decided to see if anyone else did, first. Anyway, if he passed out or got removed by security, I wouldn’t have to talk to him at all. No one could say that was my fault. Could they?
Having convinced myself that avoiding the drunk man was the best choice, I approached the next beta with a red shirt. It was actually a fancy, fitted shirt dress. I’d seen one before in New Look. It must have retailed for at least fifty quid. She was deep in conversation with a strong-looking alpha, but she broke away when she saw me, as if she already knew what I had to say was important to her.
“Hi, what’s your name?” she asked, flashing a perfect row of teeth framed by red lipstick that matched her dress.
“Edel.”
Her eyes crinkled around the edges. Warmth. Or something very similar.
“Someone said you might have a gift for me?”
Phew. Relief poured through me. I’d found my contact. I nodded, trying to play it cool.
“Where would you like me to hand it over?” I assumed I wasn’t supposed to just give her the vaporizer in the middle of a room like this.
“Come with me to the bathroom.” She oozed confidence. I wasn’t sure I could have put on an act like that.
We made the exchange in an opulent toilet. It was the sort of place I’d done coke deals with people with money. I slipped the vaporizer out of my garter and for a moment I wondered what it would be like to be the sort of person who used it. I didn’t hesitate in handing it over, however. If she thought I was scared, she might just grass on me. Just like with the coke deals, I left with a huge wad of cash stuffed into my knicker elastic. Traveling without pockets was an utter nuisance.
I didn’t linger at the party. My legs were starting to shake and I needed to get away from the crowd. I’d asked no questions because I didn’t want to know what the weapon was going to be used for. Or who would die because of it. If I knew, I wouldn’t be able to hand it over. And then I’d probably get killed by Fert for crossing Ghil.
When I got back to the apartment, I spent several minutes throwing up in the bathroom. Ryon opened the door and held my hair. My hair was so short, I didn’t really need him to. It was a sweet gesture, all the same.
That one act of kindness burst the bubble in my chest and I broke down in tears for the first time since getting wrapped up in all this shit.
“I feel dirty,” I told him.
“I know. But it will pass.”
“I don’t want to go back, tomorrow. I’m scared.” I hated admitting how vulnerable I was, but somehow I felt like I could trust Ryon, in a way I’d never trusted anyone before in my life.
“What are you scared of?”
“That they’re going to make me do something worse.”
“You’re the only one who can take down this organization. Anything you have to do is for the greater benefit of all the vulnerable omegas out there. And I’m so fucking proud of how brave you are.”
I nodded. I knew no one else could do this. It weighed so heavily on me. I’d never been anything special. At school, I’d been bottom of the class until I’d quit. Social workers hadn’t been interested in my case. I wasn’t special enough for them to rescue from the hell of abuse my mum turned a blind eye to. And my own mother had chosen her new boyfriends over me. Every single time.
I wasn’t used to being needed. Or useful. Or the only one who could do something big and important. All I was good for was opening things. Maybe it looked easy from the outside, but actually, I was scared shitless. And I felt like I was going to be found out any minute and exposed.
When I was done being sick and emotional, there was nothing left in my soul but emptiness. He patiently cleaned me up, using his own cleanser to wash my face, neck, arms and legs, while I leaned against him, wondering at the way he had managed around my dress. When he was done, he toweled my face and limbs, and carried me to the bedroom.
