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“Nothing’s wrong, Mom.” The last thing she wanted was to be in a position where she needed to lie to her mother right now. “I just felt a panic attack coming on. It’s totally normal. Happens all the time.”
“Panic attacks are not normal.”
“They’re normal for me.” Cassie’s frustration rose, and she had to work not to direct it at her mother. “It’s okay. I can handle them. That’s why I came out here. I feel a lot better now.”
“I thought I heard you talking to someone.”
Cassie’s face flushed. “Just myself. Sometimes it’s easier to talk myself through the panic attack.”
“I heard Sarah’s name.” Judy waited for Cassie to say something, but the silence stretched on. “Were you talking to Sarah Lennox?”
Cassie’s world tilted, but she stayed on her feet. “What are you talking about? Sarah’s dead. She’s been dead—”
“Are you seeing her again?”
This time, Cassie couldn’t stop her jaw from dropping. “What are you talking about?”
“You used to see her when you were a kid. After she died, I mean.” Judy’s voice was slow and deliberate, like she had to be extra gentle to not break Cassie’s fragile exterior. “We took you to a psychologist.”
“I don’t remember that.” Another one to file under the list of things she’d repressed. “What did they say?”
“It was a trauma response. Someone kidnapped and possibly murdered your best friend. How do you explain that to a ten-year-old? We could’ve done a better job.”
“That’s not your fault.”
Judy looked down at her feet. When she looked up again, there was something firm in her gaze. “Do you still see her? After all these years?”
“No, Mom, I don’t see Sarah Lennox.”
It was the truth. Sarah’s spirit had probably moved on years ago.
“I heard you say her name. Do you still have delusions? Hallucinations?”
Cassie hated that her mother called them that. She’d spent years living through the horror of seeing dead people around every corner. It wasn’t a life she would wish on anyone, but those spirits deserved better than to be called delusions.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mom.”
Judy took a step closer. She held out her hand. “If you need help, I can help you. Me and your father.” She gestured to the house. “Even Laura. I’m sure she’ll say the same thing the child psychologist said.”
“That I’m delusional?” She wanted to tell her mother that Laura already knew, that she believed her. “Yeah, that’ll make me feel great.”
“You’re not delusional, Cassie. But when you were a kid, you had delusions. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Why don’t I remember any of this?”
“The psychologist taught you to push them away, to convince yourself they weren’t real. To ignore them until they no longer existed. I guess it worked.”
“A little too well.” She didn’t want to hide her anger anymore. “I don’t remember any of that, Mom. I barely remember Sarah at all. I’ve lost entire parts of my childhood because of—”
She forced herself not to finish her sentence.
“Because of us?”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“You don’t get to be the one who’s upset right now, Mom.” Cassie looked up at the sky to keep the tears from spilling over. When she l
