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His smile was dazzling. “I want you to be my wife for the rest of my life. Do you get that?” He held her hands to his chest, and stared into her soul, hoping she would understand his sincerity. “I want to feel about Christmas as you do, and one day, I want our children to speak of you as you do your mother.”
Tears clogged her eyes at his words, but Alex ploughed on.
“There will be children for us, Sophie. Not now, but one day. And they will be fierce and loyal and clever and beautiful, just as you are.”
“I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered darkly. “I loved you so much. I ignored all of the cautious words in my brain, because I just trusted so implicitly that my instincts were right. And I got burned.” She swallowed back any further expansion on that subject. It was not necessary for her to detail how achingly sad she’d been.
“Yes.” He nodded slowly. “And if I could take it all back, I would.”
Her eyes were pools of doubt. “You’re asking me to take a really big risk.”
“Yes.” He smiled at her encouragingly. “But slowly.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Just don’t run away from me again. Let me show you how much you mean to me.”
She exhaled slowly. “You’re the one who ran away. You were gone most of our very short marriage.”
“True.”
“I don’t want that. I don’t want to miss you like I did.” Her cheeks flamed at the honest admission, and she loathed it for its neediness.”
“I wonder if you realised how I pined for you while I was gone.”
Her voice was cold. “I find it hard to believe.”
“Do you? Then you do not understand how much I cherish you. I ached for your touch and I craved your words. I went because I couldn’t trust myself not to confess everything to you. I hoped, in my wildest imaginings, that you would absolve me of guilt and tell me Eric meant nothing to you. That he was in your past and I your future.”
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“Eric was nothing to me, even in my past. Just a friend I cared for. Whose wife I worried about. Nothing romantic. Nothing.”
“I know that now.”
“So why didn’t you do that? Tell me the truth, and let me explain. It would have been resolved so easily if we’d talked. Instead you avoided me and raged at me and blamed me for everything.”
“Because in my worst nightmares, which consumed me for the most part, I thought you would leave me instantly. That you would return to London and Eric, and Helena and I would have both lost the people we loved.”
“That’s … the fears of a mad man.”
“Yes. Absolutely. I was crazy. I completely agree.”
She laughed despite herself. It felt good to laugh. “You believe me, don’t you?”
“About everything.” He shrugged. “I know it is taking the easy way out, but I think I knew all along that you weren’t capable of doing what I accused you of.”
“I would never break up a marriage.” She couldn’t help it. She lifted a hand and traced the outline of his lips. His stubble was like sandpaper. “I told you about my mum. She was the other woman in a marriage, and she was burned by it. She had no clue our father was married. But it doesn’t change anything. She made us understand what a monumental mistake she had made. It’s not in my biology to do what you thought I had.”
“I know.” He kissed her fingertips and his eyes begged her to believe him. “So will you include me in your secret pudding recipe now?”
She pursed her lips and pretended to think. “Well, that depends.”
“Oh?” His expression was mocking, but his heart was barely moving. He was on tenterhooks, waiting to know if she would give him the second chance he so desperately needed.
“Our pudding is no laughing matter. It takes serious skills. I have to see if you’ve got what it takes before I make up my mind.”
He exhaled with giddy relief. “Well then, Mrs Petrides, take a seat and give me a shot.”
CHAPTER TEN
Christmas 2014, London.
