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Soon, Stephanie leans forward, looking into my dazed eyes.
“Hannah, it’s time to push,” she says. “Your baby wants to come out.”
Hours, minutes, seconds later— I honestly can’t say how long— I hear an angry wail echo through the apartment, and to my surprise, it’s not mine.
“Hannah, sweetheart,” Rick says in a reverent voice. “It’s a boy. We have a son.”
Tears pour down my cheeks as I take my child into my arms for the first time. He’s so small, and his eyes are screwed closed, but he waves his arms in outrage.
“Waaaaah!” he screams. “Waaaah!”
Meanwhile, tears come to my eyes as I smile at the child, exhausted and yet unbelievably happy.
“A boy,” I repeat, stroking the tiny baby’s back. “Oh Rick.”
My lover looks down at the child cradled in my arms. “He’s perfect, Hannah, really perfect. You did amazing.”
I sigh happily and look up at my boyfriend through my tears. “I think I know what I want to call him,” is my murmur. “He’ll be named Henry, after my grandfather.”
Rick nods slowly. “It’s a great name,” he says, his voice full of emotion. “I know how close you were to your grandfather, honey. That’s the perfect way to honor him.”
I glance up at the man I love because I know, in that very moment, that I adore Rick and I want a lifetime with him. He gets me, and shares my values, which is so important. But I also know that as happy as connected we are in the here and now, I don’t know where this is going. After all, I met this man through an escort agency, so do we really have a future?
But this is no time to dwell on negatives because the most amazing thing has just happened in my life, and I cuddle my little son close, letting Rick’s love wash over us both.
9
Hannah
I tiptoe around the nursery, shushing the baby. Henry’s a bit fussy but as I stroke his soft blond hair while singing his favorite bedtime song, he relaxes and then closes his eyes and begins snoring, his cherubic face in repose.
“Goodnight, baby mine,” I whisper before depositing him in the crib and leaning to press a kiss to his rosy cheek. “Love you.”
Then, I tiptoe out, and once I’ve got the door closed, I let out a sigh of relief. Holy smokes. Henry just turned three months last week, and he’s finally sleeping in longer chunks at night. I’m not sure if it’ll last, but at this point, I’m grateful for every small window of peace. For a while, it seemed like he was never going to stay asleep and I was tearing out my hair with exhaustion, not to mention frustration. But now my darling boy seems to have moved past that stage, and I’m eternally grateful.
I head to the living room, where Rick’s waiting with two glasses of non-alcoholic wine. He hands me mine and I kiss him before sinking onto the couch in a boneless heap.
“I’m exhausted,” I say. I stretch my legs out and he reaches over to pull my feet in his lap.
“Hmm,” he murmurs. “I keep telling you we can hire a nanny. It’s no trouble.”
I shake my head vehemently. “No, it’s okay. I’m finally getting the hang of things, and besides, I love Henry and he’s mine. There’s no need to hire a stranger to raise him.”
My man laughs and squeezes my feet.
“Well, just let me know if you change your mind.”
I want to argue some more, but it’s unnecessary because I know my man just wants to make things easier on me. Actually, Rick’s been pretty incredible ever since Henry was born. He helps take care of the little guy, giving him bottles, holding him while he sleeps, and changing his soiled nappies. For a man who’s never been a father before, he’s taken to the job like a duck to water. But when I glance at my boyfriend, he’s got a distant look on his face while sipping at the wine.
“Is it the non-alcoholic alcohol?” I say in a teasing voice. “Thank you for not drinking with me while I breastfeed, by the way,” I say. “Your solidarity is much appreciated.”
Rick shakes his head.
“No, no, that’s not it. I don’t mind going dry for the sake of our baby. It’s just that…”
I quirk my head to the side, encouraging him.
“Just what?”
He takes a deep breath and then turns so that we’re facing one another on the couch. Those blue eyes are serious, and a bolt of panic strikes my heart. OMG, it’s not something bad, is it? Rick shakes his head before squeezing my feet again, although his expression remains solemn.
“I’ve been thinking about this for some time now,” he begins in a low tone.
“Yes, what is it?” I probe again. All I can hear is the thud of my heart pounding in my ears at this point. Rick nods.
