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Chapter Two

Back in the old days, Dean Swartz hadn’t bothered to keep a diary. For one, it was something women did, nothing fit for a man like him, and for another, for a number of years of his life, he didn’t want any kind of record of his true feelings, just in case his wife, Mandy, discovered it.

For this reason, Dean Swartz didn’t have many solid, written-down facts regarding his affair with Allison Darby. And because of this, Dean’s only real walk down any kind of memory lane happened when he was fast asleep.

“I’m going to be a movie star, Dean Swartz, and then what? You’ll see me in all the movie theaters across the great state of Michigan, and you’ll say, ‘Once upon a time, I met that girl on a little set on Mackinac Island. She left me behind and she never looked back.’”

Allison would look up at him with those impossibly beautiful eyes in his dream. Mid-twenties, the light of his life, the only woman in the world who’d made him stop breathing.

“Is that what I’ll say? Seems to me you’re setting me up for failure. Suppose I’m some rich businessman here on the island? Suppose you’re jealous of my life, huh?”

Dean’s voice was the memory of the voice he’d had forty-two years ago in his dreams. Why was it voices changed? It was like, as your voice shifted and grew deeper and darker, it became a reflection of your very soul.

“Oh, you’ll be some stuffy, rich businessman? Fantastic. That’s not the life for me,” Allison returned. “But I hope you enjoy it. Every bit of caviar you eat. Every new wing you add on to your mansion. Every flight you take to Monaco.”

As his dream continued, Dean’s hands found her lower back. He tugged her against him so that she leaned her breasts against his lower chest and lifted her chin toward his. What was it about her body that made her fit so perfectly against him?

It was as though their bodies had known one another for years, as though the stars above had dared to push them together. As though some greater being had always known. This was it. This was their great love.

“What good is forever, anyway?” Allison asked him as she slipped a strand of his hair across his forehead. “We don’t need the rest of our lives. We only need this.”

Dean’s eyes snapped open as he erupted from the dream. He cursed it, and himself, as he placed his hands over his wrinkled cheeks and heaved a sigh. Outside, the October wind rushed against the windowpanes. His head banged into a headache as the memory of last night’s copious glasses of red wine came back.

Elise Darby is my daughter.

All those years ago, when Allison Darby and I said goodbye, she was pregnant with my baby.

I didn’t know. Hell, I couldn’t have.

Dean placed his feet on the floorboards beneath his bed and clasped his hands across his lap. As last night’s celebration had worn on, he had looked around him with both joy and heavy sadness. He’d watched as Cindy, Tracey, and Elise had burst into raucous, sisterly laughter; he had watched as Wayne had flung an arm around Elise’s shoulders and held her close; he’d watched as Emma and Megan had giggled and gossiped about the boys on the island they fancied, and what they planned to do over the winter to keep themselves sane in the darkness.

All the while, Dean felt the truth of it all.

If this was meant to be a family reunion, then they were missing a very, very important piece.

Dean showered as his head continued to thud. When he cracked the bathroom door open, Diesel, the golden retriever, rushed forward and lapped at the water that dribbled down his lower leg.

“Hey, I only just got myself cleaned up,” Dean said. He laughed and rubbed at Diesel’s head, making his ears flop. Diesel grinned back. Apparently, he didn’t care at all.

Dean donned a dark blue flannel and a pair of blue jeans. When he had become rich, he’d had to stock up on high-quality suits (a number of which were Italian-made), fancy shoes, high-count shirts, that sort of thing. Mandy had had a field day during those shopping sprees—her eyes lit with excitement.“I always knew you’d be something special, Dean Swartz. Guess that’s why I’ve hung onto you all these years. Now, why don’t you try that suit in dark blue? You look so handsome in dark blue.”

Had Dean liked his millionaire-status? Had he grown accustomed to the fancy suits, the fine dinners that look on peoples’ faces that told him he was “really something special?” Maybe. But always, there was a part of him that wanted the flannels, the blue jeans, and the quiet mornings on the lake. It had never gone away.

He supposed that was the part of him that always remained in love with Allison Darby. Even after all these years.

Dean grabbed a scone from the kitchen counter—always brought in, freshly-baked from the nearby bakery and headed down the hill with Diesel clipping away beside him. It was a little late for their first walk, just after nine, and that familiar October fog had begun to disappear to reveal a rather bright October day.

Just as he’d suspected he would, Dean discovered Alex at the downtown office, the one all the bed and breakfast and hotel managers reported to. It was a place Dean had leased over ten years ago. Dean himself kept a distance from the place, giving Alex a great deal of control, especially in his later years. Alex craved that kind of control. Dean felt he might have felt the same—especially if he’d lacked so much power over his health for so long, the way Alex had.

When Alex had finally beaten cancer, Dean had felt the strangest relief. He hadn’t realized just how much of that trauma he’d held on his shoulders. He hadn’t realized that that result had been the thing he’d needed to feel whole again.

Cancer doesn’t just eat up the one who has it. It eats at you, at your loved ones, at any concept of the world you previously had.

Alex sat at the desk that had once belonged to Dean. He wore an Italian-made suit, despite there being not so many customers in these autumn months, and he wore a permanent frown as he went through a large stack of papers. He clicked away at the pen in his hand and muttered to himself. He didn’t look up to find Dean in front of him for almost thirty seconds after Dean’s arrival.

Dean realized, during those thirty seconds, that he was afraid of him.

“Dad,” Alex said. His eyes lightened the tiniest bit. “I didn’t think you were coming in today.”

Source: www.allfreenovel.com
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