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Nodding, he moves back just far enough to let the nurse unbutton my gown. His finger moves to Bean’s hair to stroke, and the nurse’s moves to my boob.
“You need to point your nipple up a little…” She manipulates my body and speaks softly as three grown heads and a baby’s all share one space. Her hand on my boob doesn’t feel nearly as weird as I expected it would. It’s all very clinical. “You want her chin pointing this way.” She physically moves us. “Then just…” She literally shoves Bean’s face against my breast until I worry she might suffocate.
It feels odd for a moment, not quite right, but then Bean, at only seven hours old, works it out for herself, latches on and creates a vacuum seal, and I know, even though we’ve never done this before, that she’s doing it right.
Such a smart baby.
Leaning close enough that her face basically rests on my chest, the nurse inspects us proudly. “Good job, she looks like she’s on just right.”
I look up to Jim to celebrate my win, Bean’s win, but his tender eyes are on her. “That’s so cool,” he murmurs reverently. “How does it feel?”
“Like she’s going to leave a giant hickey.”
His smiling eyes come up to meet mine. “You’re so amazing, you know that?” For my whole life, I’ve always wanted this man’s praise, but now that I have it, I blush. I’m such a fool. “You truly are, Bubs. You grew her from nothing; just a bunch of tiny cells, you grew a human. Then you gave birth to her, now you’re feeding her from your body. It’s like… it’s like…” He sighs happily. “It’s like magic.”
For the first time since I peed on that stick in Tink’s bathroom, I don’t feel ashamed. He loves her. He’s not making me choose. He loves her and he loves me, too.
“We’re still getting married, right?”
His shy question almost has me fist bumping the air. I don’t, because that would be weird, it’d probably disturb Bean, plus, I’m a mom now, where’s my dignity?
But I can’t quite stop the smile that hurts my face. “I was really hoping that wasn’t a dream.” I turn my hand and study the shiny diamond on my finger. “It’s so beautiful.”
“Answer the question, woman.”
I snicker and meet his eyes. “Yes, I still want to marry you. I really, really do. I’ve kept you since I was born. Learning how to ride bikes together. All the way through your stinky twelve-year-old stage. That time you grew three hairs on your chin and called it a beard. There was that time you kissed me behind the shed. The time we learned how to drive together.”
“I already knew how. I was just crunching gears to make you feel better.”
I snort quietly. “I know. I was with you through all of your development days. Your championships. I watched you turn down girl after girl, even the super skanky chicks.”
“I don’t like skanks.”
“I know.”
“I love you.”
“I know.”
“Ever since you came to my house that first time. I called dibs.”
“I know.”
“Bubs…”
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
“Thank God.” He leans over and presses a kiss to my brow. “Soon Bubs, give me the word and we’re doing it. As soon as you feel up to it.”
Dramatically, the nurse sniffles. “That was so beautiful, guys.”
My face flames red. “Shh. You make me blush.”
“No, seriously.” She turns to Jim. “I’ll learn to ride bikes with you. I can crunch gears and be a skank. Just holler, honey.”
He snorts and presses his forehead to my shoulder. “Sorry. I’m taken. Too slow.”
“Dangit! That’s what all the sweethearts say.” She winks at me playfully. “Does your sweet baby girl have a name, yet? Or will I writeBeanon the paperwork?”
