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I shook my head. “You need to leave, Stuart, right fucking now.”
“Make me.”
“Call security,” Frank yelled to Hazel. “Get them up here before this gets out of hand.”
“It’s already out of hand,” Stuart growled. “I’m gonna rip his fucking spleen out.”
“STUART!” Lydia tried again. “Please, will you just FUCK OFF!”
I saw his attack from a clear mile away, ducking from his path in a flash and sending him careening on past me. I caught him with his back to me, wrenched his arm up unguarded. I breathed into his ear, gripping him tight. “Move and I’ll break your fucking wrist,” I hissed. “You need to get out of here, before this gets fucking serious.”
I shunted him through reception, while he lashed out with his feet, trying to topple me off balance. Grunting out a stream of abuse and struggling in my grip, I delivered him into the hands of oncoming security and they took him down from there. I heard him screaming all the way, screaming to anyone who’d listen that James Clarke is a fucking wife-beating monster, a sick fuck who likes to beat women, a sick fuck that beathisbeautiful Lydia black and blue.
Lydia looked at me through broken eyes, swimming in horror and disbelief. I surveyed the scene, heart ricocheting in my ribcage as history repeated itself. Nobody would look at me, not even Frank. Not one single person would meet my eyes as the thrum of gossip danced around the crowd. I was done here.
I stalked through them with angry paces, ignoring the pleads from Lydia at my back, ignoring everything but the soft promise of sanctuary calling from my office upstairs. She caught up with me at the top of the stairs, pulling me round to face her.
“Please, James, don’t hate me!” she said. “Please don’t hate me! I didn’t know this would happen, I swear I didn’t know! He’s just an idiot, a stupid fucking idiot.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said. “It’s mine. I walked straight into it, just like I did last time. Please, Lydia, leave me alone.”
I slammed the door behind me.
***
I finally let her in after lunch, staring blankly ahead while she wrung her hands in front of me.
“Don’t do this, James, please,” she wheezed. “Don’t block me out. We can get through this, ok? I’ve told them he’s an idiot, that he’s crazy, that he’s a drugged-up fucking asshole. They don’t believe him, James, I swear! They don’t believe him!”
“They saw the bruises, Lydia, they’ll believe him. Frank hasn’t been up here yet.” I met her eyes, flinching at the animal panic I found there. “You forget, Cat, I’ve been here before. I know the lousy fucking drill.”
She shook her head. “No fucking way, not this time. Everyone likes you, James, nobody would ever believe him! Last time was different, I’m not Rachel, James, I don’t crave the drama. It will blow over, I swear, I’ll make it blow over.”
I scoffed in her face. “How can you makethisblow over? It’s over, Lydia, my life is fucking over. I’ll have to quit again and move on again, far fucking away from here.”
Her lip trembled, it smacked me right in the gut. “No, James, I’ll go. You don’t need to go!”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Lydia, it’s not you they’ll brand the psycho. It’s me.”
“You aren’t a psycho, and no one here will believe it. Theyknowyou, they knowus.”
“I never made friends with them, Cat, not one of them. They don’tknowme. I thought that kept me safe, but it seems not. I’ve been such a fucking idiot, walking straight into the same fucking mistake.”
“Some mistakes are worth making,” she breathed. “You know they are.Wewere worth making, James.”
“It’s easy to say that now, you aren’t the one who has to walk away.”
“You don’thaveto walk away,” she insisted. “It’s not that bad! This time itwillblow over, we’ll be ok. Give us a chance, James, please, just one little chance?”
“What’s the point?” I seethed. “We’d never have worked, Lydia, never. This is what happens when I get close to people.”
“That’s not true!” she said. “I lived my whole life trapped behind a wall, not daring to let anyone in. All I wanted was to be the strong one, the indestructible one, the one that was so in-control nobody could ever fuck my shit up again, but these last few months I learnt something. I learnt something fromyou. I learnt it’s ok to let go, it’s ok to be weak, it’s ok to cry… I’ve learnt it’s ok to fucking trust someone, James! That there’s something out there worth taking the risk for!”
My eyes flared with rage. “Iwaslearning to trust someone, Lydia. Iwaslearning to love again, but it was a stupid fucking dream.Thisis the reality, right here, right now.Thisis whatloveleads to.”
“So, what now?” she wheezed. “We’re over, just like that?”
My heart thumped so fucking hard, begged me to run to her, begged me to fight for her, but I turned away.
