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“And what did you speak with her about? Besides our stupid sex games?”
“None of your business,” I hissed. “Back off. Take the stick out of your ass.”
“So, you can talk to Topaz, our employee, about what’s going on between us, her bosses, but you don’t have the professionalism to fill me in on it, too. Is that how our partnership is looking, Faye?”
“My God, you are just impossible!” I slammed my papers down. “What’s going on between us is that you humour me with crappy little handouts. You give me just enough to keep me quiet. Just enough responsibility, just enough autonomy, just enough respect, just enough submission. I want more! I want equality!”
“So fucking earn it. Be an equal. Equal in effort, equal in contribution. You’ve got some time to make up.”
I put my fingers to my temples, massaging the ache. “Here we go! That bitterness, it’s always there. You say you’ll let me lead, but it’s always there, the resentment. You grit your teeth and tolerate it and wait for your turn.”
“What else am I supposed to do? Roll over and show you my belly? Shout my congratulations from the rooftops? Bend over and let you fuck me with that oversized fucking strap-on?”
I felt my colour drain. “It was just an idea. A game.”
“I’m not a sissy boy, Faye, so stop trying to make me into one.”
“I’m not trying to make you into one.”
“You could have fucking fooled me.”
“It’s not about the strap-on,” I said, and I was getting ridiculous again. Emotional and overwhelmed and pathetic. “It’s about being able to give yourself to me in the spirit I give myself to you.”
“And what spirit would that be?”
“I submit to you when it’s your turn in charge, genuinely.”
“You’re a fucking submissive, Faye, it’s what gets you off. I don’t need to read any of Vincent cunting Blackthorne’s books to know that shit.”
“I’m not just a submissive,” I said. “Not anymore.”
His face was a picture, tired and fed up and exasperated. “What are you, then? You want to be my domme? You want to play the big bad business partner who’s going to fuck my ass when things don’t go your way? I’m not down for those kind of games, Faye. I honour the coin toss, but that’s all. I’m no submissive, and these games are temporary.”
“And that’s why you summoned me in here?” I smiled, bitterly. “You summoned me in to tell me that you won’t take it up your ass. You’re pathetic, Andy, you really are.”
“I asked you in here to establish the basis of our relationship. The strap-on is one of the finer details.”
“Fine,” I snapped, and I was angry again. So fucking angry with him, with Vincent, with this whole bloody situation. “If you can’t give me the same respect I give you, then it’s over. I want someone who can open their horizons for me, explore their sexuality, put themselves on the line.”
“Alright,Vincent. You sound just fucking like him, you know. Especially when you’ve got a fucking crop in your hand. Is that what you’re trying to do? Dish out the kind of shit he gave you? Is that what turns you on? It fucking creeps me out. He’s fucked up, Faye, his approach is full of perverted shit.”
“It’s not shit!” I sneered. “To be a submissive you have to give up the mind, Andy, the chip on your shoulder, the snipes and the bitterness and the negative self-talk. You have to give up your mind and expose your soul, and it’s beautiful. It’s so beautiful. I want a man who can join me there, who can give me that. Is that too much to ask?”
He laughed, and it was the death blow. “You are so fucking dramatic, Faye. Pull yourself down from the fucking ceiling and stop all the stupid fucking flouncing.”
“I’m not flouncing. This stuff is real. It’s important to me.” I stared at him, at his hard shoulders, the tension in his jaw, the shadow of stubble, the dark eyes. At the way he was staring at me, angry and impatient and ready to lash out. He wasn’t submissive. He wasn’t even close to trying. “What’s going on here is nothing,” I said quietly. “It was a mistake.”
“A mistake? We’re a mistake now?”
“Yes, a mistake. I’m here for the club, not for you.”
He tilted his head from side to side. “Fine. So, what was I? A rebound? A cheap distraction? A fucking joke?”
“Something like that,” I scoffed.
“And that’s it? You don’t get your way and it’s over? Done?”
I shrugged. “You’re the unreasonable one.”
