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“Sure you can,” I pulled away. “Let’s go.”
We drove back to his in silence, my arms tight across my chest in defence of some barrage of questions that never came. He pulled up outside and I was out like a shot, up the stairs and through the apartment door as soon as he could open it for me. I hovered around the kitchen while he made a drink, but pretended I was busy on my mobile. It shocked me no end when he drank up and disappeared for a shower. He really was tired. I didn’t see him come out, even. He was straight into his bedroom, lights out.
The frustration was more than I could bear.
I made myself a sandwich, and I clattered about the place like I was feeding the five thousand. I put the TV on loud, and made a big deal of going to the bathroom three times over the course of one short programme. If the volume irritated him, he didn’t react. He didn’t storm into the corridor in his boxers and demand some quiet, or ping me that I needed to get to pissing bed and not be late in the morning. He didn’t do fucking anything.
I turned the TV off and cleaned up, jumping in the shower for a proper scrub down before I went to bed.
There was the faintest light under his door as I crossed the hallway. It made my heart stutter. Ridiculous.
I dried myself off and shoved my damp hair back into a bun, then lay in bed, listening for signs of life, but none came. I made a big deal of getting comfortable, hoping the headboard would bash the wall. It didn’t. Not even when I pushed it.
I grabbed my mobile and called up his details. Text box.
Are you still awake?
A minute of silence.
What do you want?
I typed out a message only to delete it, over and over again.
I want to ask you… I can’t sleep and I… About today… I can’t help but…
There was only one message that made sense. I stared at the letters.
I want you. Now. Please.
But I couldn’t press send. I just couldn’t do it. I rolled onto my side, chewing on my fingernails, that churn of something in my stomach threatening to throw up my sandwich.
I held my breath at the sound of movement, eyes wide in the darkness at the realisation it was coming from the room next door. I flicked on the lamp, all ready to head out into the living area if he headed in that direction. I would have to hang around the corridor if it was the bathroom he vanished into, pretend I needed the toilet. Again.
Anything just to see him.
But I didn’t need to do anything.
I pulled the duvet up to my chin as my bedroom door opened, and it turns out that Andy Morgan doesn’t even wear boxers to bed. He doesn’t wear anything at all.
“I… um… I had some questions about work…” I lied, holding up my phone.
“Sure you did.”
“I did… about the birthday party…”
He approached the bed and pulled the covers back. “Move,” he said.
I shifted across, and he slipped inside, fluffing up the pillow I’d just vacated.
“I can’t be your fucking submissive, Faye. I don’t know how, even if I wanted to. It just isn’t who I am.”
My stomach kept on churning. “You don’t need to explain,” I said. “Like you said, it’s a mistake.”
“We both said it’s a mistake.”
“It is.”
He turned onto his side, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I stared up at the ceiling, struggling to keep my breath steady.
