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"You found it?"
"Yeah, I did. Just one problem. I can't for the life of me figure out how to open the damn thing."
Kaya
The tears pricked my eyes. Hearing people tell me I was the chosen one, the one to do the thing that they needed, I knew people were counting on me and I couldn't even open the box. I grabbed it with both of my hands and shook it hard. I'd known how to get into the house. I'd known the code for the key pads. So why didn't I know this?
Why hadn't my mother told me anything, like why I needed to be so cautious? Why hadn't she told me who she was and given me a reason not to be afraid? Why?
My frustration must have been clear on my face because Saint tried to comfort me. "Sweetheart—"
I shook my head. "Don't you sweetheart me. I don't want to hear it. I don't belong here. I don't know what this is. I just want my life back."
I could feel the weight of him as the bed dipped. "I know, love. I know." He wrapped his arms around me, and for the first time since this had all started, I let myself cry. The tears poured down my face and I just let them fall, because what else was I going to do? How was I going to make this work? After everything we'd done to get here, I had failed. I had failed my mother again. I had failed myself. I was failing a whole team of people who were trying to help me.
But I let the tears fall, nonetheless, because I had no plan. I was in a sea of chaos and this was of my own doing. How could she leave me a legacy I didn't understand?
I’d come all the way here, all the way to her home, and I still had no idea what to do or how to make this work. How to bring her back.
Saint's arms were tight around me, and we laid back. He tucked me into his side, letting me sob. He didn't try to stop me, he didn't tell me to hush. He just rubbed slow circles on my back and let me weep.
I wasn't sure how long we laid there, his arms around me like a vice grip, my head tucked into the crook of his shoulder. When I finally pulled back, I scrubbed a hand down my face. "I'm going to go wash my face. I also want to see if there's a bath here."
He laughed. "You want to take a bath in a house that isn't ours?"
I turned slowly. "You just saidours."
He massaged the back of his neck. "Kaya, I'm supposed to be keeping you safe. I've already taken things too far with you."
I stopped and stared at him. "Do you want me?"
He sat on the bed, gaze pinned on me, Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "You have no idea how much. But I'm your bodyguard. My job is to protect you. Nothing else."
"So are you going to tell me that this is all about the job? Or is this a little bit about us?"
I didn't wait for an answer because I was afraid of what the answer was going to be. In the bathroom, there were fresh towels, sparkly white and soft. This place had a caretaker. Someone who looked after it. Was it an Air BnB? For the love of Christ, I needed some answers.
As I washed my face, I took it all in. My mother had kept a wealth of secrets. I hadn't even known who she really was. I had to come to terms with that and live in this reality. My whole life, all I'd said was that I wanted calm, a chance to live a quiet life. But did I really want that? Because as dangerous as this was, for the first time in a long time, I felt alive. Granted, it wasn't ideal to have people shooting at me, but it did feel incredible to use the skills I had, to be strong, to be able to fight for something that was important. I hadn't even known that my mother had left me a legacy, and I wanted to fight for it. But if I fought for this, then that meant I couldn't go back. Going back also meant I couldn't have Saint. Hell, given that look on his face a few minutes ago, I might not have him now.
There was a soft knock at the door, and I knew who it was. But still, I hesitated before opening it.
For the sake of the mission, we shouldn't act on this thing between us.
He was going to tell me that because he was meant to protect me, he couldn't go there with me. He was going to say all these things that were sane and rational and made sense, but I didn'twant to hear it. Because I wanted him. But I wasn't a coward. If he didn't want to be with me, I could face that. After all, I had a whole future ahead of me that I hadn't planned for. I dried my face and then opened the door.
"What?"
He braced himself in the door jam, the muscles in his forearms and his biceps tensing. "I can't do this with you."
"Yes, I understand. Orders and the whole thing." I drew in a deep breath. "You don't have to explain to me. I get it. I just—"
He lifted his gaze, and I saw the fire burning there, the hunger, the desperation. "If we do this, there's absolutely no going back. I'm making the choice."
"What choice?"
"I want you. Fuck everything else."
That was when Jasper Saint backed me up.
