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"What's going on, Jasper? Please talk to me."
"I-I'm sorry, Kaya. But you and I, it's not going to work now. And maybe it never was."
I staggered backward. Suddenly, I felt like the room was going to collapse in and around me. "What?"
"I shouldn't have taken us on this path. That was my fault. I just couldn't stay away. I wanted you too much, and now I’ve hurt you. With all of this going on, I have to stay away."
"What? You can’t—"
He inhaled sharply. "This isn't a good idea. I have to make choices. I'm choosing my family."
I blinked at him. No, no, no. This could not be happening. "You're simply going to leave me?"
"Yes, Kaya. I should have stayed away. I wish I'd been strong enough, but I wasn't. And now look at this mess we are in because of it. You'll be safe with the Rogues. They will treat you right and you won’t have anything to worry about. No distractions. I won't be on the team assigned to watch you."
"I can’t believe you are pulling this shit after everything we’ve been through. You said you loved me."
"I said I care about you. That's different."
I searched his face, trying to determine whether this was some kind of cruel joke, but there was nothing to indicate he didn’t mean every word. But damn it, I wasn’t going down without saying my peace.
"I mean, how on earth could this even be a reality? Forty-eight hours ago, we were tucked into the safe house in Scotland. We made love. And now, I was about to walk in and give myself up to a terrorist, really told I had no choice, and the one person who could say something rational was abandoning me? This is fucking bullshit. What did I do to deserve this? Explain to me."
"I have to choose my family, Kaya. They've already been through too much, and with Igno being your father, I just… I can't."
"What? That's what this is about? You're walking away because of who my father is? I didn't fucking choose him."
"Don't you think I know that? Of course, I know that. You haven't done anything wrong. Every time I look at you, my soul aches because I am bonded to you. You think I don't feel this? Bullshit, I feel this. I'm just choosing to ignore it for my family’s sake. They are the ones counting on me to do the right thing here, not go chasing after my heart. Trevor and Adrianna have been through too much already, and I cannot let my father win the company back. I’m not going to stand by on the sidelines and let him tear apart the company my grandfather built. I can’t and I won't. But if the board finds out I’m engaged to AntonioIgno’s daughter, they’ll unseat me. Then this is all going to get dumped on Trevor, and that’s too much pressure for him. He’d never make it. You know my father and his supporters will throw Trevor to the wolves and then find a way to cripple Adrianna. Do you understand? I have to choose them because my father never did. So I'm trapped in this position, even though I desperately don't want to do this."
"Bullshit. You know, I thought I could read people and you blew that to bits. Kudos. You put me in this impossible position. You got me to Rogues where my mother and the team obviously wanted me to be all along, so good on you."
"That's not what I was doing, and you know that Kaya. The last thing I wanted to do is go anywhere near you. But there you were with your eyes and your mouth and your determination, and fucking hell, you think I wanted that? I didn't. I don't. But I fell for you anyway."
"You didn’tfallfor me. That is such a load of shit. You swept in, gave me everything, protected me, and made me love you. But I was just an op to you. An assignment. I was a blind fool who bought all your lies. That’s on me. I should have known better. But really, I didn't have all the information until now. So, you can absolve yourself from all this bullshit. I'll go and see Igno. I want this done. I want my life back. And I never want to see you again, Jasper Saint. Go back to your family. Go do whatever fucking business thing you have to do. I will go on this mission without you and live every day in a way that doesn't involve your sorry arse."
CHAPTER 44
SAINT
"Mate,this isn't exactly the healthiest hobby you've had of late."
Glowering at Lachlan over the rim of my scotch glass I shot back. "I feel like maybe you're not the best one to give advice when it comes to women."
When I left the Rogues campus, I headed straight to Notting Hill, knowing Lachlan would be at his and Saffron’s house on Lancaster Road. Something told me I shouldn’t be alone in my mourning, but fuck if I didn’t hate hearing his advice. I was just lucky Saff wasn’t around to bust my balls, too. She was on duty tonight, which was one of the reasons I knew to come here. That and Lachlan’s selection of good scotch to drown my sorrows in.
Lachlan winced. "Well actually, I feel like I'm a hundred percent more qualified than you."
He reclined in his gravity chair, modern like the rest of the house, done by some Swedish designer. Soft gray, elegant, and clearly an item Saff had picked out. Lachlan had bought the place for her a few months ago as a spot for her to rest whenever she needed. Before he'd turned up, she hadn't really had much choice or say in what she wanted to do. So he saw it as his right and joy to give her the house she wanted, and I always admired him for that.
Then maybe you should follow his lead.
Impossible. I couldn't do that to my siblings. And even if I did stay with Kaya, she would get hurt. Knowing she was Igno’s daughter meant my name wouldn’t be enough protection. My siblings would suffer, and I couldn’t do that to them after everything my father had done to us. I had to be the one to be there for them. The past is such a bitch. Trevor needed me. Adrianna definitely needed me. I had to be the fucking adult, and I shoved that dose of responsibility down with a fucking smile. But none of this shit was easy.
"Mate, do you think this is healthy? Watching her on security cams? Even if you're standing by this decision, you are only torturing yourself. And it’s fucking sad watching you like this.”
“Fuck off, Lock.” I kept my eyes glued to the security monitor. Willing her to find Saff and Tabatha and just get the fuck off campus. Board a plane and just leave. Run. Go somewhere. Anywhere.
Where is she going to go that Antonio Igno won’t find her?
