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She was good at hiding. She could lay low, right? At least that’s what I kept telling myself so I didn't have to think about the fact that I had walked away from her. That I was leaving her alone to make this awful decision.
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and stared back at Lachlan.
"Look, Saint. Gabe assured her she'd be fine. Gabe will always do what’s best for Rogues, regardless of what's best for the agents. But you know he keeps us safe and will do everything to make sure he gets her out safely, too. But you don't have to make this choice. You can have the companyandKaya. There is a loophole somewhere in the old man’s documents and you know it. Just fucking marry her. Then we'll fight like hell to hold on to your seat. Just be with her. You love her. You cannot just walk away from her and leave her in the middle of this shit."
I blinked my eyes as I tried to will away the tears, the sting in my nose refusing to give up. “No, it’s done now, and she can make her choice without my interference. Maybe she won't do it."
That was bullshit because of course she was going to do it. She needed her freedom.
The guilt gnawed at me. But if I chose her, what would happen to Trevor and Adrianna?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
"Call her right now, mate. You cannot let this go. You will regret it.”
I just kept my eyes on the monitor. I'd broken her heart, and there was no going back. I could feel it even as I was saying the words to her beautiful face. I could feel her falling apart.
I knew the sting of falling for her would not be forgotten. But the stain of Igno was not something that I could easily overcome. It wasn't something the board would let go. I just couldn't fucking do that to my family. I needed to stop watching her, walk away, and let her go.
And then my world fell apart completely. On the security feed, I watched the back gate of Rogues, the door that led to the residence and Gabe's office, and I silently prayed, begged, and pleaded, that she wouldn't go back there. But when I saw her long strides headed that way, despite her small stature, I knew I was well and truly fucked.
Please God, don't do it.
Turn around and go back.
If she walked away, I could find another way to hide her. Maybe there was another way to keep her safe. But if she walked in to Igno’s lair, there was nothing I could do. She'd be at the mercy of the Rogues agents, and none of them,noneof them…
None of them loved her like I did.
But she doesn’t think you love her.
Oh fuck. She was going to tell Gabe yes.
I watched with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as she walked in and made a left toward Gabe’s office. Kaya didn’t know it, but with every step she took, I was with her. Mentally trying to hold her back, spiritually standing in her way, begging her to not risk her life.
What the fuck? I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t watch.
“Mate, just call her,” Lock said. “Call her and ask her not to do it."
I shook my head.
She knocked on the door. Gabe must have told her to enter, because she walked in, and that was the end of my viewing. The dam finally broke, and the sting in my eyes gave way to tears. I roughly swiped them away with the back of my hand, but they kept pouring out of the fissure in my heart.
You forced her hand, and now you will live with the consequences. No one else is going to protect her like you would have. Not Gabe, Saff, none of them can keep her safe like you.
You did this.
This is your fault.
The chances are high that she will die.
CHAPTER 45
SAINT
That throbbing,pounding headache right between my eyeballs wasn't easy. Exhaustion didn't even begin to cover how I felt. There was no rest for the wicked because that was my penance. All over body pain from walking away from the woman I truly loved.
Elise had only been a facsimile of that. I felt responsibility for her, yes. Care, maybe, but I’d never really loved her.
